Happy birthday to me

"I give in, surrendering to an impulse –
Somewhat believing that my imprisonment
Will not involve torture
If I can confess everything I know;
I know nothing"

I remember when you said my soul looked good in the shadows. That I'm so insanely pretty for the depraved. If writing has taught me anything, it's that words are like fingers. Intimate fragments of nothing. Palpable desires left for the sun to kiss goodbye. Give me something to choke on so I can feel as beautiful as your poetry. I'm as smooth as jazz and as jagged as reality. You'll curse me, and I'll make art in regards to karma. I'll ask only that you remember. Tap tap tappity tap fucking tap Courtney knows how to get high, and I died once within those dreams of hers. Tectonic shift, the earth screams and I  can't promise Saturn hasn't fallen. Are you you ok? I'm fine. I'll be waiting, watching. Redesigning heart shaped pocket knives for future reference. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. I was busy reevaluating myself and asking the walls what they say about me. I have a methamphetamine blood line and an alcoholics love for maybe. Hell, tell my daddy it was painless. He would've liked to know I learned how to laugh. Maybe I can love deeper than 2pm I miss you's. I hope you met god when you cried for the first time in months staring at a lighter. I hope you met yourself. I hope you felt invincible when Fuck you fell from your lips before the insanity kissed you goodnight. We live in bondage, you and I. Eternal chains that wrap around our limbs before the nice things can burn candles. No mercy. We let cruelty bend the concepts of possibility into something  silhouetted. Please don't stop trying. Everyone sees, but I want more. I want freedom from this asylum. I want you to grasp past what I'm scarred from.