Venus of Willendorf

Venus of Willendorf

Mariel
Is this some kind of fetish?

Will
What is this twenty questions? You know I’m not good with riddles.

Mariel
Dude I’m on to you. You are so busted.

Will
What did I read your email? Or maybe I listened to your voice mail?

Mariel
You are so stealthy; discreet I might say. But don’t think I haven’t noticed you staring at my fanny every time I walk across the room or bend over the sink doing dishes.

Will
You know what this is crazy. You’ve lost your mind. I can’t believe you’re saying this.

Mariel
Your fixation on my fanny is really irritating. I feel like I’m being sized up.

Will
OK let’s entertain this completely absurd notion which you have. Maybe I do look too intently on occasion. But I’m only admiring your artistic form. It’s just like when I go to the metropolitan and look at the ancient Greek statues. What’s wrong with me idealizing you?

Mariel
Will, you are objectifying me. All that high art talk is crap. I feel like one of those women posing in a storefront window in Amsterdam when you stare. Is that how you see me? Like a sex object?

Will
Let’s bring some sanity into this conversation. Men have been worshiping the female form since the Venus of Willendorf. It’s a form of veneration. Would you rather I ignored your beauty? When I complement you on your dress or hairdo it’s a form of veneration. My glancing at your tush once in a blue moon is just the same.

Mariel
I didn’t know this about you when you married me. You didn’t tell me you had an ass fetish.

Will
It’s not a fetish. It’s just a healthy male eroticism. Now come on Mariel. Let’s go to bed.

Mariel
It freaks me out that’s all. I feel so cheap.

Will
Honey, you are my Lady of Shalot whose beauty is lovelier to me than the fairest of the fair. My fealty is only to you my love.  I revere you.

Mariel
Oh Will. When you talk mushy like that I get all tingly inside.  But please Will don’t let your eyes wander too far.  

Will
Why would I go after a hamburger when I’ve got a steak at home?

Mariel
You’re such a romantic. Comparing me to a steak is so sweet.  And Prime Rib no doubt.

Will
It’s a man’s way of saying I love you.

Mariel
Now let’s go to bed Will. All your flirty talk has put me in the mood. Nice recovery. Are you ready to play ball?