Getting Off (the dirty parts—of the wall)

 
wrapping my fingers tight  
around the pole end
of the broom, I pushed
the widest part of it hard
into the corner screaming
at the top of my lungs, fuck
you spider! you bitch
 
standing on the couch trying to reach
that ever elusive spot
I began to move my hands
in a circle, trying to get  
off the dust embedding
my skin
 
I close my eyes
trying not to think
of how filthy  
I was getting
 
you were standing back
away from the spiders, grinning
watching me moving
as I threw my thigh  
over the side of the couch reaching
over to clean the windows covered
in cobwebs, and my dirty
fingers  
dragging  
down
slowly  
inch  
by
inch
 
touching the barren wall
that separated the inside
from the outside
 
and you got up behind
me as I was writhing
to stretch myself further
over the couch to caress
the parts not touched
yet with clean
 
clorox wipes I stroked
across the wall
with your ragged breathing
in my ear, I grabbed
the broom so tight
 
fuck you, fuck you, fuck
you spider
And I don’t stop
screaming
you’re pushing me even harder
 
into the wall, your fingers
tracing up and down the inside
(of the wall) near my resting thigh
rocking roughly over the fingers
trying to find the perfect angle
to really get off
the dirt on the window sill, hoping
and praying that I can get off
(because I need to get off)
the dirt, and I don’t want to run upstairs to get wet
rags to scrub it harder
because I’m busy enough fucking
around with this clorox wipe that never works
that great
 
I find myself gasping
dust choking
needing
desperately pleading
for air--
my head
is pounding.
 
staring at the dead spiders falling
to the floor, I collapse down
into the couch below
 
I worked hard washing
that dirty
wall clean. The hard
work paid off, and damn,  
I really got off
 
the couch quick, seeing that stain
of dead spider juices
I gagged, you smiled
and I guess the way I looking
you thought I was coming
 
onto you
but I couldn’t really think
of anything else at that moment but holy FUCK
 
that’s a lot of dead spiders.