deepundergroundpoetry.com
Living Away.
There's a measuring tool
between you and me
and I insist upon getting it out
every time you leave.
Each second is precious,
deliriously unusable until the sand has passed
and you stand at the station again.
I find myself alone, missing you even when you are here
and I fear myself going round and round and round questioning how, best, to utilise our time.
between you and me
and I insist upon getting it out
every time you leave.
Each second is precious,
deliriously unusable until the sand has passed
and you stand at the station again.
I find myself alone, missing you even when you are here
and I fear myself going round and round and round questioning how, best, to utilise our time.
Published 21st Dec 2015
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likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 10
reads 933
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The author encourages honest critique.
Oh Poppy, how well I know this feeling of desperate ghosting of a connection despite the pain of separation. Are these long separations? Of course it's as you say in your poem, the loneliness can set in even if your other is near.
Thank you, I am grateful not to be so much alone for DUP. Loneliness is, however, a very good muse, I have found so maybe it is best I keep her.
*A monthly visit from my Grandma and yearly from my Great-Granddad. It's hard going.
*A monthly visit from my Grandma and yearly from my Great-Granddad. It's hard going.
21st Dec 2015 5:37pm
Its like constantly being in that uncomfortable silence. I really like this piece. Few words that convey a lot of feelings and the situation pertaining to them. Well written.
24th Dec 2015 9:18am
Thank you, DPW. It was hard to do this justice but I tried to write it fresh, as soon as my Grandma had left. I think, for that reason, it captured the hollowness better.
21st Dec 2015 7:19pm
The strong use of metaphor was the greatest strength of this poem! I loved your choice to make each stanza fewer and fewer lines, which gave an interesting atmospheric tone of there being less and less to say as it went on. That's the most heart-wrenching part. The empty spaces sometimes speaks the loudest.
24th Dec 2015 9:19am
They do, they do. It falls away the stark emotion of missing and loneliness, you go and wash the dishes or put on some music, or strip the beds - anything to distract, so the passion gets lost in the wash with it, so to speak. I had to really focus on things I didn't want to for this one and I think that's why it fell away towards the end. Thank you.
21st Dec 2015 9:30pm
The measuring tool is time and the format suggests the lengthening of it, especially the last line.
24th Dec 2015 9:21am
It does, it does, the transition between having a person and losing them is a great trial to relive and relive again. I find it tests my compassion and attachment to people, each time I seem to grow more hardened and less feeling towards the whole thing.
22nd Dec 2015 9:27am
24th Dec 2015 9:21am
