Goodbye

My friend died today.
We’ve been planning on it for months.
I’ve strung her along:
Feeding,
Coaching,
Reminding,
Medicating.
Up once or twice most nights
When she cried.
Two decades more or less,
Most of the days uneasy,
Never exactly good.
She only had affection for me,
And that sparingly.
The last few months of
Crying, sweating, vomiting, incontinence
Have been hard to bear.
Today, with her passing finally passed
I feel that strange brew of
Grief, relief, guilt.
That she’s gone, that it’s over, that I’m relieved.
Sometimes your choice isn’t between
Living and dying
But between dying well or otherwise.
And today hurt, but it was well.
So, I guess this is goodbye.