I’m Walking Here!

 It drives me fuckin insane
Old people sauntering slowly
Like snails sliding in slime
As they meander looking bewildered
Like woodworms inside concrete
Like maggots on oxycontin
Getting nowhere fast, going so slow
They may at anytime burst into flames
And disappear down into a black hole
Christ! If only they would
But without any warning they just stop
Stalk still, they just stand there
Like greyed picket fence posts
Some straight, some bent some broken
Why do they just stop like that?
Are they collecting their thoughts?
Are they stopping to catch breath?
Or are they stopping just to annoy me
And then without warning
They restart their shuffle
As the amble along slowly
Moaning and groaning like zombies
(The ones that can’t run)

Mothers with prams and buggies
With noisy, smell snotty faced kids
Real sidewalk Nazis with attitude
They cackle and babble like witches
As they congregate in gangs
Like crows round fresh roadkill
They stand like fully clad riot police
Ensuring you can’t get past them
They deliberately ignore polite requests
Of excuse me, or would you mind
They are mothers with no time for others
No time for pleasantries or good manners
They are ladies what lunch
Who are willing to punch in
Their politics purely of gender
Where all men are sex pests or rapists
All me are evil or worse
Except the ones that are filling their purse
Then they move off like tanks
Into battle, keep a safe distance
Their turning circles are astonishing
And painful on your feet

The disabled are also problematic
There is no safe hiding place
A suit or armour may be useful
A healthy paranoia worthwhile
They can attack from all sides
And they are not always alone
Why do disabled people pick idiots
To push them around in their wheelchairs
Ensuring multiple collisions
Making the streets like ‘robot wars’
With ankle and shin injuries
For us normal walking folks
With gusto they run into us
Yet we are the ones apologising
Why do we do that?
Then there are the Daleks
In their motorised death scooters
Who honk their horns
But only after they have
Ridden over your toes
Or side swiped you out of the way
You scream then apologise
Rather than being honest enough
To tell them to look where they’re fuckin going

Gangs of ignorant tweenagers
Groups of annoyingly loud school kids
Men with dogs
Women with dogs
Dogs out on their own
Middle aged, bearded meterosexuals
Middle aged, bullish heterosexuals
Middle aged women shopping for bags
Middle aged women shopping for shoes
Middle aged women shopping
Teenagers off their face on drink
Teenagers off their face on drugs
Teenagers high on their own supply
Traffic wardens writing tickets
Rattling tin charity collectors
Suited twats taking surveys
Suited twats selling Insurance
Sweaty, smelly hotdog vendors
The Salvation Army band
Terribly off key buskers
Harry Krishna dancing clowns
Street magicians
Squeaking, screeching balloon modellers
Children’s entertainers
Drug pushers
Specific types of people
People in general
I hate all of them
They should all be banned
Just simply because
I’m walking here