no f%#k list

have you ever fucked small animals?
or masturbated using an artificial vagina made out of balloons?
Have you ever NOT had a girlfriend your entire life?

Dont be ashamed,
because I have,
have,
have not.

I got caught fucking a chicken in a public library bathroom and
was put on the no fuck list,
After that,
women totally ignored me.
My face was splashed across all the papers,
and my small town is incredibly gossipy.

Pretty much everywhere I go people stare at me,
or throw beer cans at me as they drive by,
while I ride my bicycle on the sidewalk.

Fortunately my lawsuit against the city is looking good,
and we are probably going to be reaching a settlement figure,
for defamation of character, as there was a local ordinance,
passed by one of the original founding city fathers, which can
be summarized by ,

"if it happens in the bathroom, it stays in the bathroom".
The city is arguing that since the chicken was squalking wildly,
and subsequently escaped the stall,
and was running around smearing semen on
the patrons and ,
in fact, caused one female patron to alledgedly become pregnant,
when she fell on the chicken,
and the excess semen smeared its way into her vagina as
she was pantiless while wearing skirt (PWWS)

Well,
I guess it all worked out in the end,
my settlement of 3.5 million dollars  payed in monthly installments of 7500,
after an escrow account was set up to pay for the fathering of the child.
The impregnated woman,
although currently not speaking to me,
and placing a restraining order on me,
where I am not allowed within 500 yards of her,
is fine with me.
I am still hoping she will come around to marrying me
This being a conservative town it may turn out that way and besides
People have started treating me with some
Redpect now that im a proud father to be.

Unfortunately,
the chicken was killed during the womans fall,
however I was able to take it home for a hearty meal.  
I know girls swallow semen semi weekly
but as a guy,
I dont get such luxury,
other than my fluid flavoured fried foul.