deepundergroundpoetry.com
River Dream
Where I exist, the seasons linger or
die too soon.
I cannot see the subtle changes, or
hear the cadence of their wings.
I feel the shift, and taste the residue
between our lips,
and on the air where it also lingers.
His passing will bring the rain but
I covet him more, suspended as we are
between the seasons.
And when dusk is touched by the brow
of moths, he will fade away,
a harbinger of autumn's end before it
begins, while I drift a river dream
over which a new moon ascends.
An oar dips silently and I shiver.
© 2015 Jade Pandora
Preview piece: photo by Aki from Finland.
die too soon.
I cannot see the subtle changes, or
hear the cadence of their wings.
I feel the shift, and taste the residue
between our lips,
and on the air where it also lingers.
His passing will bring the rain but
I covet him more, suspended as we are
between the seasons.
And when dusk is touched by the brow
of moths, he will fade away,
a harbinger of autumn's end before it
begins, while I drift a river dream
over which a new moon ascends.
An oar dips silently and I shiver.
© 2015 Jade Pandora
Preview piece: photo by Aki from Finland.
Published 7th Dec 2015
| Edited 27th Aug 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
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comments 12
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The author encourages honest critique.
7th Dec 2015 8:13am
your little boat drifts languidly up a lazy river.
it's a very relaxed elegance...
it's a very relaxed elegance...
7th Dec 2015 9:17am
7th Dec 2015 9:13am
i love the slow moving feel to this poem
Some lines i enjoyed:
"taste the residue / between our lips,"
"cadence of their wings."
but this is my favorite:
"And when dusk is touched by the brow
of moths, he will fade away, "
- the reason is that i liked the word "And" in the beginning. It caused me to down shift and focus on the singularity of the next phrase. Kinda like a magnifying glass is used.
Nice job here.
Some lines i enjoyed:
"taste the residue / between our lips,"
"cadence of their wings."
but this is my favorite:
"And when dusk is touched by the brow
of moths, he will fade away, "
- the reason is that i liked the word "And" in the beginning. It caused me to down shift and focus on the singularity of the next phrase. Kinda like a magnifying glass is used.
Nice job here.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, Ed. And yes, "And" is used to do what you experienced. I love that you knew how to describe it so I could recognized what I feel as the poet when I guide the reader through such windings. Well met. <3
7th Dec 2015 1:33pm
7th Dec 2015 4:04pm
7th Dec 2015 2:14pm
7th Dec 2015 4:06pm
9th Dec 2015 6:09pm
9th Dec 2015 7:09pm
17th Dec 2015 5:52am
Apologies for losing my way back to properly reply, I've been recovering from an injury.
If your ears were getting warmer than usual as of a few hours ago it's because Geoff (Hepcat61) and l were discussing you and what a great guy you are, a fine poet, and a person who has been supportive of his and my work. And I thank you for sharing your thoughts about my little poem.
If your ears were getting warmer than usual as of a few hours ago it's because Geoff (Hepcat61) and l were discussing you and what a great guy you are, a fine poet, and a person who has been supportive of his and my work. And I thank you for sharing your thoughts about my little poem.
