S.O.S.  (an ungrateful rant)

 We knew it would be a tough year.  Responsibilities piling up, never done, never enough.  Always inadequate, but wearing “busy” like a pro, ‘cause that’s how we roll.  Don’t worry, world, I got this…..

….burnout.  (Can one die from a thousand little paper cuts and hangnails?)  Every day like molasses, too much, too much, just keep swimming….

…..we’ll get there soon.  Keep your chin up, above water.  We knew this wouldn’t be easy.  There is light at the end of the tunnel….

…keep swimming (look away from the abyss)….

…Bam!  Kick us when we’re down.  Well, that was unexpected! That thing we all dread.  Complete re-write of the story we had planned.  Light at the end of the tunnel, suddenly.…extinguished.  I’m sliding over the edge…

….darkness.  Living in a parallel universe of murk and fear.  Going through motions.  (Cook a meal.)  Can only breathe if I’m screaming at something.  (Drive to lessons.)  So pissed off.  (Sweet kisses goodnight.)  I never asked to be in this fucking club.

Trapped in a pit within my mind.  (Laundry.)  A double life. Is this melancholy or just melodrama? (See a client.)  Remind the face to smile.  (Run a meeting.)  Show them I’m okay, ‘cause I’m the healthy one, remember?  But…can’t do this.  Can’t fake this.  Desperate.  No, not okay.  Timid whimper for help….

….an answer.  Tiny steps, hold my hand.  Sea air and starlight.  Kindness and encouragement.  (Listen to the professionals, we need to become whole.)  Gently now.  Slowly climb out of the pit.  Blinking….is this who I was before?  I had forgotten…

Freedom!  Black cloud gone!  Contentment, joy…. (euphoria?)  The beast was conquered.  Hope for a future.  Now we can exhale.  Two healthy halves.

A new chapter.  Relieved to be done that last one.  “Bad year” is an understatement.  But it’s over.  History.  (Surely we were perfect before the beast entered the story?)  Turn the page and return to how it was….

….seems like all is well…..  Back to normal.  (This is our normal, right?)  How could I be anything but grateful?  We’ve just dodged a bullet.  It would be silly to complain.  Remember, I can do “busy” like a pro.  Don’t worry, world, I got this….

…until I start to actually read the words on this fresh new page and realize….
It is all the
Same
Old
Shit.