deepundergroundpoetry.com
indigo woman
with lips sewn up
she still contrives
to show you her teeth
taken up taken in
with your quirky ideas
she's the one
you turn to
needing comfort
finding grief
if you must
kill her slowly
it's better
to watch her toss and turn
blinking her eyes in confusion
when you've pinned her
up on your wall
the force of her hand is a joy
the spit on your cheek
is a blessing
when a kiss is a bore
she talked you into
string on your fingers
she's a child
she just wants to play with her toys
she's a demon
she just wants to fuck other boys
she's a con
she's not what she showed you at all
she's a martyr
her pride's in how far she can fall
and people say she doesn't know
it's so funny she has no idea she
doesn't know
Published 29th Nov 2015
| Edited 1st Jun 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 931
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Nov 2015 3:27pm
in fairness though, I think the first three lines serve great for a lead ..I wondered whether sewn up lips might be a bit cliché. ..its a gamble I suppose. next two lines have a fair bit of strength in them though.
the taken up taken in stanza has a different fee l to it, a different voice or personality even. happy days if that's what you were going for. I think if you put onto into the 'up on your wall the extra syllable helps with the flow onto the next line.
I spent a bit of time thinking about some different interpretations. I mean especially with the first three lines taken into consideration. when a kiss is a bore talked you into string on your fingers is a great line. maybe when a kiss was a bore. ..and you've two hers on one of the lines. best of luck finding them.
its a helluva draft idea.
29th Nov 2015 11:12pm
30th Nov 2015 00:55am
most of what I post are merely
drafts for poems I'll never write,
but this is worth the effort...
drafts for poems I'll never write,
but this is worth the effort...
30th Nov 2015 2:16am
30th Nov 2015 5:46am
her fight never eases up,
not even when she's pinned & becomes a martyr.
deep blue poetry...
not even when she's pinned & becomes a martyr.
deep blue poetry...
Anonymous
30th Nov 2015 2:05pm
<< post removed >>
30th Nov 2015 8:53pm
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Oct 2019 5:45am
16th May 2019 11:49am
<< post removed >>
