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edge of heartbreak


it’s 3am & I can’t sleep so I smoke a little & I drink
a little. & I think about her.  always her.

sure, it’s an old story. common in the back alleys where
crazy love & dirty sex walk hand in hand. just another
sin city full of paperback outlaws & honky-tonk angels.
everyone’s on the make & everyone’s on the run.

she was a killer smile & gypsy eyes in the blue night,
swaying in her short skirt, moving her hips just right.
she made men want her so bad they choked on it.

when we danced, I held her close. arms all around her,
rubbing her back soft & smooth, breathing on her neck. it
made her hair flutter like lace curtains in a tradewind breeze.

she liked to talk tough, saying things that a man doesn’t
need to hear. don’t make me angry after I’ve had a couple
drinks, I told her. I get violent, you won’t like it.

but she did like it. getting a man riled up. the brutal hand
quick across her cheek. the taste of blood in her mouth.
I didn’t like hitting her, not really. but it became a ritual.
my only defense.

she pushed for the beating, & the sex after. when I kissed her
mouth, I could taste the pain. & her pain was mine.  she was a
tigress under my sweated body. we weren’t even human, just
wild animals in heat. the bed rocked as if it wanted to eject us
out of disgust.

over time, her tongue got sharper, meaner. I figured I would kill
her, it was like she wanted me to. like death was the ultimate
high. so I drove away. fast & far. till I didn’t know where I was
any more.

she has my heart; I’ll never have another use for it.
I’ve learned too well the curse of gypsy eyes,
& that blue nights were meant for burning…




Written by JohnFeddeler
Published
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