Inertia 3 Activity 0

 
The greyness of human existence
The futility and banality of love
Is strong and present today for
Reasons I do not fully understand
Bearing down forcefully on me
Like an unwanted intrusive lover
Pushing downwards and painfully
Down into the pit of my stomach
The pit that already feels twisted
And knotted like old ships ropes
I feel woefully compacted
I feel the need to stretch
As if stretching might lead to relief
Might uncompact my feelings

I stretch and for a few seconds
My chains appear to have softened
For a few seconds I might unravel
But within those few valued seconds
My body and mind painfully regress
The greyness excerts its full authority
And I am back, firmly in its grasp
My thoughts return to morbidity
To the futility of my existence
Really! What is the fucking point
I stare at my box of medication
The medication that doesn’t work
The drugs that ignore their resumae
They talk in quiet dulcet tones
They remind me that they have
The final solution to the greyness

I rattle my minds filing cabinet
Searching for suitable alternatives
The folder marked LOVE is empty
The folder marked ‘JOY’ is empty
The folder marked ‘FRIENDS’ is empty
There was a green folder marked
‘REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL’ parts
1 to 3 is well and truly missing
I find a scrappy piece of paper
With ‘The Samaritains’ 24 hour
Phone counselling service
Las time I rang them, I depressed
Them so much, they hung up
I find a yellow highlighter pen
It’s never been used, nothing
Of any importance to highlight

I find a copy of ‘Mien Kampf’
I find a copy of the ‘Quran’
I find a copy of the ‘Bible’
I find a copy of ‘Catch 22’
All by the same author
All saying “Kill, kill, kill”
I consider killing random others
I consider killing specific others
I consider killing myself
I consider painting the greyness
PINK, fluorescent pink
I consider sitting on my fat ass
And doing absolutely nothing at all
Thankfully, inertia wins