deepundergroundpoetry.com
Freefall
All her life she's bitten her tongue
So bitter so young
She's run round and round in circles so long her head won't stop spinning
All this time something's been missing
She's not quite finished
She's part undone
And yet every time she tried to run her legs were numb
Her mind an inescapable fortress
Obedient, conformist with deep roots to enforce this
Invisible forces, glass prison bars
Unsaid threats and unseen scars
So, brainwashed and blind she rubs dust in her eyes
Ash of her morals, unquestioned advice
She gets high, she gets high
To numb the clawing inside
But it will not subside
Something does not feel right
So she drinks and she smokes cos she thinks that she hopes
For release
The unease just grows
Like knotweed it spreads and slowly infects every breath in her lungs and each thought in her head
Until nothing's left
Her hollow shell echoes with emptiness
A spectator, watching as all the rest go about their day
She can't fathom the rules to the game they play
So she sits behind her wall of glass and does exactly as she's asked
She doesn't know she'd find her way
To an infinitely better place
If she'd only let go
And freefall
Through the darkness
Into the blissful unknown
So bitter so young
She's run round and round in circles so long her head won't stop spinning
All this time something's been missing
She's not quite finished
She's part undone
And yet every time she tried to run her legs were numb
Her mind an inescapable fortress
Obedient, conformist with deep roots to enforce this
Invisible forces, glass prison bars
Unsaid threats and unseen scars
So, brainwashed and blind she rubs dust in her eyes
Ash of her morals, unquestioned advice
She gets high, she gets high
To numb the clawing inside
But it will not subside
Something does not feel right
So she drinks and she smokes cos she thinks that she hopes
For release
The unease just grows
Like knotweed it spreads and slowly infects every breath in her lungs and each thought in her head
Until nothing's left
Her hollow shell echoes with emptiness
A spectator, watching as all the rest go about their day
She can't fathom the rules to the game they play
So she sits behind her wall of glass and does exactly as she's asked
She doesn't know she'd find her way
To an infinitely better place
If she'd only let go
And freefall
Through the darkness
Into the blissful unknown
Published 22nd Nov 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 851
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Nov 2015 5:34am
Oh wow this is sad...i hope she is able to find her way through it all...being alive but feeling like you have no voice or no choice is a very terrifying thing. Great write.
26th Nov 2015 4:17am
hullo and welcome to DU
emotional stuff. I find that with writes of this kind of emotional caliber a no-read-zone is needed for a couple of days. in my experience anyway its hard to look at a write objectively when my feelings are involved and so I come back to it after a few days and see if there's anything needed in terms of edit, tightening, loosening etc
the first couple of lines had me warm to your thought structure, I liked the little rhyme of bitten her tongue and bitter so young, and there are many lines which hold their own throughout, and indeed many parts which have a nice fluidity and tempo
I find, sometimes a rhyme can bring meter, or a perception of meter which can knock the fluidity of a stanza if lines become too big
anyhow, good stuff
shine on
emotional stuff. I find that with writes of this kind of emotional caliber a no-read-zone is needed for a couple of days. in my experience anyway its hard to look at a write objectively when my feelings are involved and so I come back to it after a few days and see if there's anything needed in terms of edit, tightening, loosening etc
the first couple of lines had me warm to your thought structure, I liked the little rhyme of bitten her tongue and bitter so young, and there are many lines which hold their own throughout, and indeed many parts which have a nice fluidity and tempo
I find, sometimes a rhyme can bring meter, or a perception of meter which can knock the fluidity of a stanza if lines become too big
anyhow, good stuff
shine on
26th Nov 2015 4:23am
Hey, thanks for the welcome :) and thanks for taking the time to comment - I appreciate it.
26th Nov 2015 6:16am
This is another great write sounds like sum1s about to break free an hit us with more awesome heart felt rebellion
26th Nov 2015 7:12pm
26th Nov 2015 7:47pm
Thank you for reading and for the nice comment - I think I may try uploading some spoken word on here as a step towards doing some in public :)
