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they don't make poetry for this



(Kerouac said the road from nowhere leads everywhere.
I must be traveling backwards…)


rhinestone raindrops on a velvet night

that sounds like the beginning of a very romantic verse,
but I took it in a different direction, because in my part
of town the rain is just wet & the night is just dark.

& lonely.  which is redundant:
I’ve never seen a rainy night that wasn’t lonely.

I’m soaked clean through to my shivering bones, so I slam
into the nearest saloon. the barkeep’s on the phone with
his bookie, so I wait.

which means the shady ladies of my bleak history return to
torment me, expecting a lead role in my latest tale. these
stories I write, there is some truth & some fiction in them.
maybe I’m just trying to glorify my mundane experiences,
as if the things I’ve done, the whores I’ve shared my sex with,
should be forgotten.  but I can’t forget.

every encounter fades in as a wild ride through the blind
alleys & blue flames of an earth-bound purgatory, until it’s
time to pack up & take the last train outa Dodge; we’ll
never find a poem in all of this desolation.

amid the sorrow, the heartbreak, the loneliness, all those
ugly things, I’ve searched for beauty. where is the logic in
the final words they’ve told me, just before goodbye:
‘I love you, but I can’t live with you.’

these things a woman knows, I can never know…



Written by JohnFeddeler
Published
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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