Why Wonder?

I never think about chances
I know they don't exist
I just wish you saw more in me
So I could wonder about what ifs
But I've shown all there is to see
The price to pay for honesty
Nothing left to create intrigue
Nothing here you'd want to keep
At my worst I did my best
And to that you do attest
Still not enough to pass tests
You held back with what you'd invest
I wanted to display all my colours
But some came out too fast
Thought it would make us deeper lovers
Then along came circumstance
You said it would be okay
I believed comfort that you gave
Wasn't long till you drifted away
To a place where connection couldn't be saved
You wouldn't give your all to us
I see I never made you feel safe
"You deserve a shot", promised trust
Wouldn't let me help with struggles you faced
And I'd have done whatever it took
But you wouldn't even let me fail
Just decided I'd never succeed
Determined me incapable
I believe I had a chance
But you didn't so oh well
I should just choose to call you right
Make it easier on myself

We had a short time together
But you didn't care to make it long
I have a stupid heart it's just not clever
It feels emotions way too strong
I didn't know I'd be the only one
Who would be willing to take big risks
And I guess I should have listened to
Those who warned me about this
I had no qualities of value
At least not in your eyes
Wasn't worth any real cost to you
If we failed after we tried
Just give up before the fight
And leave it all behind
Not treasured enough to think twice
You knew what you wanted... not my kind

I know you never think of me
And that I am a fool to even care
I know I don't invade your dreams
Yes I am completely aware
Feelings unrequited
I accept that life's unfair
And I know you won't look back
And that you're happy over there
Still my heart deeply aches
From this painful mistake
Of thinking you did reciprocate
When you never felt the same

I can't wait till it's over
To put an end to the pain
Some days I don't know why I'm going
There was nothing positive to gain
Consequence of impulse decision
Not worth the cost by any means
I lost a lot and the difference is
You'd have never risked that for me
I wish I'd done something drastic
So I could blame myself for wrongs
Then maybe this wouldn't seem so tragic
Because I'd know I was the cause
I wish you left me for another
And that they made you feel more than I
Because then I wouldn't be left to wonder
Just how the fuck feelings die
Why couldn't I cause irreparable damage
Till your hatred got too much to manage
Guess I just believed in a lie
With me you never felt alive
And that's how feelings easily die
There's no need to wonder why