Ode to Mixed Toast

Oh by the way
I'm not into them
But I might like a selfie with you
And if I were a Melbournian
I'd probably also want to fuck you
If I were Jesus
I'd no doubt fish
Work in the soup kitchen
And maybe believe in God too
If I were a muso
I'd play bass very badly
But try to look really cool doing it
And let you be lead singer
If I were a poet
I'd look up exotic words
In dictionaries and thesauri
To describe you only to fall well short
If I were a painter
I'd try water colour to catch you
But I'd be wrong again
And should have trowelled on in 3D
Like Vincent in a mad frenzy
If I were Nick Cave
And thank someone I'm not
I might want to fuck you
And I'd be a real jerk
But at least I was true
And that might be just what you're looking for
Or not