Monsoons

 
Monsoons
 
Father and mother called me into the kitchen after I had finished my work in arithmetic, not the daily assignment of my teacher, Master Yen; but rather the thirty extra problems father had composed for me.  As he always did.  
 
These "discussions" as father  called them weren't discussions at all.  He talked and I listened as a dutiful daughter should.  
 
When it was something he was proud of, he'd kiss my bowed head at the end of it all. A star for his "Firefly".  
 
If it was something that brought shame unto our house, or our family name, there was no kiss for as long as I can remember.  There was just a dry well in my soul that was filled with tears through the darkness, as my parents slept.  
 
He was holding mother's hands at the table, intertwining his fingers with hers like a dragonfly imposing it's will on a silken butterfly.  
 
Firefly ...  
 
Yes father ... ?  
 
Do you remember what I've told you about prayers?
 
Yes father.  You've taught me many things about the rewards of proper prayer.  
 
Such as ... ?  
 
When one is dutiful to one's father and mother, dutiful to the state, and dutiful to the creator, the rewards shall be many and golden.  
 
You've listened well.  
 
Only because you've taught me well father.  
 
He bows, and I bow.  
 
He continues.  
 
There are changes coming in our future. The state has seen fit to answer our deepest prayers.  
 
Yes father ... ?  
 
We will be having another child in the house.  Your mother and I, with the blessings of the state and our creator, will be having a baby.  A son, no doubt.  Isn't that wonderful ... ?  
 
I paused to gauge the proper response. For I had long suspected father wanted a son from the moment I could tell the difference between them and me.  
 
Though I might try, I could not haul the 30 to  40 kilos of rice from our fields the way father did.  I could not herd stray cattle with the same strength that rippled through his sinewy arms and elastic chest.  To our dogs I was just another play toy, father was their alpha.  
 
Well daughter ... ?  
 
He was waiting.  
 
I am sure when the time comes we will be blessed with with a brother for me, and the son you and mother deserve.  
 
And with that, I stood and bowed and waited with my eyes pointed to the floor.  
 
No star.  
 
The well was barren and strangling my eyes.  I could feel the night's monsoon coming.  
 
Father ... I choked out.  
 
Could you compose another 30 ... No, 50 problems for me tonight? Master Yen is giving a test in two days.  
 
I shifted my eyes up to see him kissing mother on the cheek.  
 
Then he moved towards me, bestowing my star.  
 
The monsoon came nonetheless.  I listened to it all that night, as father sought his son in the darkness.