He Said, She Said

 The only thing that was soft and wet
With you was your fuckin melon head

The only thing that was hard about you
Was the cheesy crust in between your toes

I’ve just realised what it is I liked about you
It’s absolutely fuck all

I liked you like I liked toothache, after two
Minutes you’re just a fuckin pain

I don’t know what I saw in you, I just wish
It had been your hands and feet

You used to refer to your penis as a dick
I agree – just like a cock only much smaller

Fucking you was just like throwing a sausage
Up a train tunnel

Fucking you was like looking for a needle
In a burst horse hair sofa

Now I know why they called you the US open
And it has fuck all to do with sport

I don’t know why I married you, I must have
Been blind and fuckin stupid

You’re not just blind and stupid your also
A weasel dicked, drooling retard

At least I only drool out of my mouth

That’s cause you can’t drool out of your dick

You drool over everyone else’s dick

They’re at least worth the drool

Fuckin bitch

Fuckin dick

Whore

Douchebag