deepundergroundpoetry.com
controlled over you
As i stared into my lovers eyes,
i knew he thought i was weak,
my love thought to be unwise,
nevermore he had to speak,
not much love he did seek.
i sat down by his side,
i felt the cold,
love's strong passion in the hide,
not once more i could hold,
so he wrapped around my hair of gold,
all because i worshiped him,
even though love's fire still not dim,
and so i closed my eyes....
i knew he thought i was weak,
my love thought to be unwise,
nevermore he had to speak,
not much love he did seek.
i sat down by his side,
i felt the cold,
love's strong passion in the hide,
not once more i could hold,
so he wrapped around my hair of gold,
all because i worshiped him,
even though love's fire still not dim,
and so i closed my eyes....
Published 15th Jun 2011
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15th Jun 2011 5:28pm
a little case sensitive write now, with that being said I honestly think that the commas at the end of some lines are not really necessary since the spacing gives the same function to pause as comma. just my opinion though, but never ever underestimate the effects of punctuations.
15th Jun 2011 7:23pm
16th Jun 2011 7:37pm
the last line could be changed to give closure to the rhyme scheme but without the hassle of rewriting this is still a good poem. I've never loved this way so i can't give any more meaningful comment
