Alarming

 One of my grandmothers
Pearls of wisdom, of which
There were many
Was ringing in my ears
As was the cheap alarm clock
That I’d recently bought
‘It’s only, exactly 2.00am’
‘I’d set it for 7.00am’
I tried to turn it off
I heard a creepy voice
A 1970’s robotic voice

“just what do you think you are doing Dave”

I was quite impressed
It had got my name right
With ninja like speed
I hit the snooze button
The alarm noise decreased
It slowly faded into silence
Then replaced with a snoring sound
I knew it wasn’t me snoring
After all I was awake at 2:15
In the fuckin morning
Unlike my good self
My cheap alarm clock
Was now snoozing
Snoozing and fuckin snoring
Like a pot belly pig
On crack cocaine
I had to be up for work
At 7:30 in the morning
At the very latest
And in a fit of anger
I bounced the cheap
Alarm clock off the wall
It bounced well
And fell silent
It then woke me up
Every hour on the hour
Until 6:00am, at which
Point I threw the bastard
Straight out of the window
As a direct result
I over slept
I was late for work
I punched my manager
For being a dick about it
I got sacked from my job
Prosecuted for assault
Ended up divorced
Homeless and penniless
Without the need
For a cheap alarm clock
I should have listened
To my wise old granny
My cheap alarm clock
Turned out to be
A complete waste of time