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how do... i explain? i called her three hours after i was
supposed to call
her.
she missed the call but i

well... i was
laying on the carpet in the living room. staring at the ceiling...
again
but



so a few weeks ago i was feeling lonely, really lonely.
not the lonely i feel right now but... i was
touching myself.
it was good. it was fine. fine. good. good.goooood.
then i turn on a video. sometimes
i like the boost
but

it was homemade... and the couple
they
were so........................... in love. i had to stop.
to watch the way they caressed
each other. it was like the entire world was collapsing around myself and this...
screen.
i saw a meteor shower, and then a tsunami--
all the stars started exploding like fireworks across the sky one
by
one
and they reflected in the water and the brilliance of the lights were--

i started crying. i cried for hours.
unfinished

what am i? how could i?

pathetic



she called me back half an hour later.
she explained several things to me and said
"Is anything even real? I kept saying it over and over again. It doesn't feel real."
i apologized. she gets that from me...
but
she assured me
"We're exactly where we're supposed to be."
i said i know but
something is missing

she said "Yeah." and it sounded like "I'm sorry."
but we both said "I'm sorry" too much

i laid there, on the carpet
for a very long time after she
hung up


pathetic
Written by Kameron
Published
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