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Go
You want to leave.
Then leave--
You want to go.
Then go--
See if I care...
You walk out.
You yell at me.
You push me around.
Blame me for everything.
Then accuse me of pitying myself.
Cause I hate myself.
I can't stand to look at myself.
I can't stand to look at our son.
I can't stand. . .
Just leave me if you're going to.
Stop playing with my heart.
Stop pucking at the strings.
Just leave me and never come back.
Don't say you love me. (cause you don't)
Don't say you're sorry. (cause you're not)
Don't say it's your fault. (because it's obviously mine)
Just leave me.
Get out of my life.
I hate you. (but i love you)
Happy birthday love.
Blow out the candles.
Make a wish.
Because I can't take this back and forth anymore.
I try to be better.
But you don't give an inch.
But you'll be the first one to point out that you do.
When you don't.
You ignore me.
But say you care.
You say you hear me.
But you don't listen.
You push me around.
Push me down.
I fight for something.
You kick me down.
Maybe I'll be better someday.
Maybe you're not who I thought you were.
Maybe you're not my perfect match.
My soul mate.
My penguin.
Maybe you're not.
My heart can only take so many lies.
Before you kill it completely with deceit.
Is that what this is, you're always playing?
A game.
You are a gamer, aren't you?
Is my heart a toy?
Is it a level for you to conquer?
Am I just another boss that you must defeat?
What are my loves to you?
A checkpoint.
Get to it and move on.
You can't hit restart Love.
You can't write over your save.
I'm slowly dying in your arms.
My heart's failing. . .
Our son saw my cuts today.
His little fingers ran over them.
And I told him that I once was broken.
But you fixed me.
You said "Not good enough,"
I said you have to keep fixing me cause I keep breaking.
And you said you would, no matter how long it takes.
Even if I never am completely fixed.
You said you'd keep trying.
You lied.
And here I am.
Alone.
You're gone.
But you'll come back.
I'll probably forgive you.
When I don't want to.
This relationship is failing.
I'm drowning.
And you're holding me under.
Only to breathe life into me whenever my heart stops.
When will I be enough for you?
When I'm dead in your arms?
When you've killed me with my own hand?
When will I be enough for you?
When I stop trying?
When I'm perfect?
Cause I don't know if I can do those things.
I don't know if I will ever be enough for you.
I feel sick. . .
Are we over?
I don't know.
Probably not.
I don't want to be.
But I don't want to hurt anymore.
Please stop saying you love me.
Stop lying to my face.
Stop hurting me.
Just go away.
Then leave--
You want to go.
Then go--
See if I care...
You walk out.
You yell at me.
You push me around.
Blame me for everything.
Then accuse me of pitying myself.
Cause I hate myself.
I can't stand to look at myself.
I can't stand to look at our son.
I can't stand. . .
Just leave me if you're going to.
Stop playing with my heart.
Stop pucking at the strings.
Just leave me and never come back.
Don't say you love me. (cause you don't)
Don't say you're sorry. (cause you're not)
Don't say it's your fault. (because it's obviously mine)
Just leave me.
Get out of my life.
I hate you. (but i love you)
Happy birthday love.
Blow out the candles.
Make a wish.
Because I can't take this back and forth anymore.
I try to be better.
But you don't give an inch.
But you'll be the first one to point out that you do.
When you don't.
You ignore me.
But say you care.
You say you hear me.
But you don't listen.
You push me around.
Push me down.
I fight for something.
You kick me down.
Maybe I'll be better someday.
Maybe you're not who I thought you were.
Maybe you're not my perfect match.
My soul mate.
My penguin.
Maybe you're not.
My heart can only take so many lies.
Before you kill it completely with deceit.
Is that what this is, you're always playing?
A game.
You are a gamer, aren't you?
Is my heart a toy?
Is it a level for you to conquer?
Am I just another boss that you must defeat?
What are my loves to you?
A checkpoint.
Get to it and move on.
You can't hit restart Love.
You can't write over your save.
I'm slowly dying in your arms.
My heart's failing. . .
Our son saw my cuts today.
His little fingers ran over them.
And I told him that I once was broken.
But you fixed me.
You said "Not good enough,"
I said you have to keep fixing me cause I keep breaking.
And you said you would, no matter how long it takes.
Even if I never am completely fixed.
You said you'd keep trying.
You lied.
And here I am.
Alone.
You're gone.
But you'll come back.
I'll probably forgive you.
When I don't want to.
This relationship is failing.
I'm drowning.
And you're holding me under.
Only to breathe life into me whenever my heart stops.
When will I be enough for you?
When I'm dead in your arms?
When you've killed me with my own hand?
When will I be enough for you?
When I stop trying?
When I'm perfect?
Cause I don't know if I can do those things.
I don't know if I will ever be enough for you.
I feel sick. . .
Are we over?
I don't know.
Probably not.
I don't want to be.
But I don't want to hurt anymore.
Please stop saying you love me.
Stop lying to my face.
Stop hurting me.
Just go away.
Published 30th Sep 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 2
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The author encourages honest critique.
29th Dec 2016 5:45pm
Wow Paige! This piece is packed with heartache and uncertainty. I am sorry that you have been going through this. Your use of real-life metaphors that are so relevant to today is powerful. For example:
"Is it a level for you to conquer?
Am I just another boss that you must defeat?
What are my loves to you?
A checkpoint.
Get to it and move on.
You can't hit restart Love.
You can't write over your save."
Gaming is ruining so many relationships in our modern world. I so many people who are just completely zoned out on computer games...it's a 21st century drug addiction. Bravisima bella poeta!
"Is it a level for you to conquer?
Am I just another boss that you must defeat?
What are my loves to you?
A checkpoint.
Get to it and move on.
You can't hit restart Love.
You can't write over your save."
Gaming is ruining so many relationships in our modern world. I so many people who are just completely zoned out on computer games...it's a 21st century drug addiction. Bravisima bella poeta!
Anonymous
9th Apr 2017 10:16pm
There are a few line here that will haunt me for the rest of my life,
for the simple fact that..Ive been here and now regret it
because when love came back..love died on me, literally
This piece is a soul ringer! and my being is buzzing with
a certain comprehension because i get it, i get it
for the simple fact that..Ive been here and now regret it
because when love came back..love died on me, literally
This piece is a soul ringer! and my being is buzzing with
a certain comprehension because i get it, i get it
