deepundergroundpoetry.com

No Ex-ception

I feel nauseated
When you call me your ex
Because you couldn't even call me
A partner or a girlfriend
Not a significant other
Not even your other half
Nothing to give me security
Or let me know where I did stand
No affirmation that I was special
Or that I meant more than the rest
Because it should have just been obvious
So fuck my feelings on the subject
When you and I were something
It was an undecided name
I wanted some sort of definition
But you weren't up for that game
I was half okay with it
Mostly willing to wait
Because I too am a skeptic
And understand the time it takes
But I did think eventually
After our feelings were laid out
That we'd give a title to you and me
Should have read your hesitation as doubts
Because I was ready to be taken
This heart was for nobody else
But I was sadly mistaken
You didn't feel how I felt
So now that we are over
To even use words like "breakup"
Fills me with this feeling
Of sheer and utter disgust
And even when I use it
It doesn't feel any better
It just hurts causing confusion
Of what we were when together
Were we even together?
I honestly do not know
We clearly weren't on the same page
So I guess that tells me no
Yet you tell everyone I'm your ex
Which implies a relationship was had
That's so far from the truth!
And this lie just makes me mad

Maybe I'm oversensitive
And shouldn't be bothered by stupid words
But referring to it as a "relationship"
Only seems to make it worse
I believed that's what it was
But you weren't comfortable with that
Funny how now you'll acknowledge it as such
Since there's no commitment and no path
It's like you're making it out to be more
Than you ever really saw it
You're the one who didn't want direct meaning
So why not just be honest?
How I feel I can't even tell you
Because you wouldn't understand
Nor would you care when you don't have to
So in cool silence I'll deal with that
Look there's no simple thing to call it
I've also used these words to make it easy
But whenever I happen to cave
My stomach just feels queasy
I can't look back on what we had
To say I was yours and you were mine
Pretending it was a fact
To me just isn't fine
I hesitate to call you my ex
Because it feels so gross and wrong
I can't seem to make an ex-ception
The term just doesn't belong
Written by WoundedHeart
Published
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