No Rest.... For the Wicked

Still... and silent...
Is my Soul after the night
Such A long night...
sleep taking flight from my body...

Leaving me, spirit and mind
wide awake... too awake...
reliving all my faults...
remembering all my pains...

Don't want to...
Yet everything inside me is on
Auto- pilot...
Tears hot and unwanted are falling
and there is nothing I can do about it...
So I let them fall...
Feels like some how ...something has given way
Inside me... broken loose
Never to return... permanently... gone
And... I miss that part of myself...
Perhaps it's the part  of me I have given up on
Or the part I have forgotten...
The part I have forgotten to nourish...
Feels like that part
separated from me like a Siamese Twin
Leaving pieces of bone, blood and tissue
where that part of my soul used to be...

As I am left Looking out into the Blue Blackness
Of the Night... searching for my lost self...
Searching with eyes wide... as if I were
Waiting on a wayward child to return...
I see nothing but mist rolling outside my window
I see nothing but rain... hitting my window pane

Anxiety... claiming me in waves...
A sinking feeling... telling me...
My Broken Soul...
Can Not be saved...
As a strange premonition settles into
my Spirit ... Like a spider settling into a web...
Wistfully... I close my Blinds...
Maybe I will find the part of myself I lost...
In My Dreams...