Made of the darkness in shadows formed out of smoke

It is 2 am on Saturday morning... and I cant sleep
I am laying here in the dark thinking of everything that is happening
so much is going wrong in far to many different ways
I am laying in the cold frozen... I am freezing
I cannot think
I will probably be taken to jail on Tuesday
My son is dealing with a shadow
It only exposes his eyes to him and never says anything
It enjoys taunting him and watching him
It loves exposing my deepest untamed feelings

Why didn't I see this happening, I was in the process of reflecting
and then I heard my baby messaging me
I mean... I seen it, and I remember, thinking it
Damn, It was in her eyes, she was not scared of me... she was playing
I am not only sick now... I am dizzy
She had already given up her soul a long time ago
Her breath stank of putrid decay on living flesh
The bitch gave my brother AIDS
God was warning me... but I was not listening as I was speaking

Now what do I do?

I have been so weak, all week... Just taking the punches, as they came
I convinced myself I deserved this and I just took 'em... no matter how bad it hurt
My torn body aches so bad, my tired eyes burn... They purposely did this to me
The shadows are very, very cleaver
It took them, an entire year to break me... Funny how they singled out my family
I know what you want...give me a minute, I will do it...roll with me
The other day I thought it was my oversexed over active mind; it was you, I felt pushing  inside of me fucking me...I excite you... I give you feelings... when you watch me
OK now do not distract me... I need to say I am sorry first... you have been with me, my entire life leading me and guiding me, even protecting me... I felt you... I always new you were near, but I neglected you... I am sorry
mmmm your being gentle... stop playing with my words, let me do what I know you like, want and need

You brushed softly over my skin I was taken by how slowly you were sliding the string of my satin leopard print camisole down my right shoulder...Do you imagine my softness, and warmth... under your grasp, did you come to desire me at some point, when you were watching me struggle, in and out of the darkest parts of my life?
Do you need me to comfort you, While you plot my ending... don't worry my heart is capable
I don't blame you, I am not angry, and your just doing what you need to... I do not blame you
I can hold you, but I have a request before I bring you... into my world of pleasure and desire
Don t let the others touch me, protect my mind and heart, do not dim my light bask in the comfort of my fire... the most important thing keep the man I love safe, and protect my children... I will not fight anymore, I will not ask for happiness ever again


cum to me, and sit now... right here next to me

kiss, kiss... my feet, lick and taste me

I understand I am the only heaven you will ever see...I will take you their slowly

I know you need gentle hands... I don't judge you

Up my smooth rose oiled leg... higher now, higher

My hot moist center is waiting, rub your hot wet tongue over me

Inhale... breathe in the scent, of my femininity

Do you feel hungry, because you watched me clean myself, with raw organic sacred honey

Drink, drink, drink all of me as the holy waters pour from me

My legs are open, and my center is freely offered to you

I am sorry, I can't do this under false pretense... I do not judge... blame or hate you, for destroying my dreams and stripping the man I love away from me
I do not blame you for this pathway paved straight to the planet called hell, or for the burning of my flesh in sulfuric flames for eternity
I cannot love you, no matter how much I try to
I know your condensed energy with limited sight, made of smoke and hate only deception is what guides your life
I know your clan is responsible  for all the pain, and death, and pagan beliefs, and worldly power fights and human sacrifice

I can hold you, and comfort you...because I think everything is unique and beautiful and good... I am a nurturer by nature...The same God that created you, also made me, I just cant force myself to think how others think, I am not God...I have no desire for power...so if you need it, take it... I will not complain

I warn you, but you already know from all these years of watching me...My heart leads me
I will die for my conviction, I cannot be forced to do something I do not believe in
I will never love anyone the way that I loved him...

Lori Laredo
9/5/2015