deepundergroundpoetry.com
Quicksand
Where did the water come from in an arid ocean of sand and dust
Where snakes die of thirst unless they smell blood with their tongues
Tasting the scent of my sweat as I wander aimlessly thirsting for your mirage
So beautiful I followed you to a mirror in the sand that fooled my eyes and then my heart
When I felt the ground rise up to swallow me in a cool and hungry pool
While there you stood above the clouds that were not there, hissing and shaking your ass
Did I imagine the sting just before you sucked my bleeding neck and left me there to die?
As you felt my heart run dry then watched me sink into the depths of mystery
Down deeper through the ground until I fell into a soothing stream that carried me away
Finally I sank so deep a whale came by to swallow me, then left me high and dry
Where snakes die of thirst unless they smell blood with their tongues
Tasting the scent of my sweat as I wander aimlessly thirsting for your mirage
So beautiful I followed you to a mirror in the sand that fooled my eyes and then my heart
When I felt the ground rise up to swallow me in a cool and hungry pool
While there you stood above the clouds that were not there, hissing and shaking your ass
Did I imagine the sting just before you sucked my bleeding neck and left me there to die?
As you felt my heart run dry then watched me sink into the depths of mystery
Down deeper through the ground until I fell into a soothing stream that carried me away
Finally I sank so deep a whale came by to swallow me, then left me high and dry
Published 5th Sep 2015
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5th Sep 2015 1:41pm
I must admit to savoring every-every line here. love the distinct mind pics of each line, that layer perfectly
as you build your dry oasis in my mind. very deep and provoking to my morning brain JJ. So many takes that
I reread a few times, all in enjoyment of your flavored word choices..
"in an arid ocean of sand and dust"
~the dry mass distinction of sand measured by 'oceans of it' is so brilliant !
"Tasting the scent of my sweat as I wander aimlessly thirsting for your mirage <~the sweat & need/thirst, luved!
So beautiful I followed you to a mirror in the sand that fooled my eyes and then my heart "
~you must realize lines like these? have earned you *The* Poetry Man title time and again...
this IS poetry, dammit! bold even. you bam the mind and I can relate to this sinking into the mirage
feeling. almost a water-hell down below.. that still leaves one 'high & dry' at end.
"sink into the depths of mystery".. oh yes.. def a fav here sweetie.. braving the forced mystery..wows.
So many powerful images painted.. of dry and sinking sands, hints of betrayal/snake craving blood..
amplified greatly at end by the underground stream. Whale, indeed.
Deeply enjoyed your quicksand enticement, clever in soo many ways here. We must compare dreamspeak
sometime as this was oh so felt. and? how come my snakes just bite & yours 'shake dat ass?'.. lil grrs. lol
hugss in awwe,
~d/T
as you build your dry oasis in my mind. very deep and provoking to my morning brain JJ. So many takes that
I reread a few times, all in enjoyment of your flavored word choices..
"in an arid ocean of sand and dust"
~the dry mass distinction of sand measured by 'oceans of it' is so brilliant !
"Tasting the scent of my sweat as I wander aimlessly thirsting for your mirage <~the sweat & need/thirst, luved!
So beautiful I followed you to a mirror in the sand that fooled my eyes and then my heart "
~you must realize lines like these? have earned you *The* Poetry Man title time and again...
this IS poetry, dammit! bold even. you bam the mind and I can relate to this sinking into the mirage
feeling. almost a water-hell down below.. that still leaves one 'high & dry' at end.
"sink into the depths of mystery".. oh yes.. def a fav here sweetie.. braving the forced mystery..wows.
So many powerful images painted.. of dry and sinking sands, hints of betrayal/snake craving blood..
amplified greatly at end by the underground stream. Whale, indeed.
Deeply enjoyed your quicksand enticement, clever in soo many ways here. We must compare dreamspeak
sometime as this was oh so felt. and? how come my snakes just bite & yours 'shake dat ass?'.. lil grrs. lol
hugss in awwe,
~d/T
5th Sep 2015 6:22pm
Thanks d/T! Quite the in-depth review... my snakes rattle their tales when they shake their ass as a warning that instead teases me into my own grave... will I never learn?
JJ
JJ
For some reason when I read this poem I see images from a book's I read called dune. Love the imagery in this poem.
7th Sep 2015 1:41am
I never read the book, but having seen the movie, I see what you mean... thanks for commenting DP!
JJ
JJ
