Hurt.

I can't speak.
And believe me, I don't want to be without you but
being near you now I feel burdensome.
Somehow I can't shake these demons
so I still my body and silence myself, minimize myself
to the tiniest and quietest I could possibly be-
Not to stand out, not to be seen.

I'm sorry I'm here and I'm sorry I pout
and I'm sorry that you had to ask me to stay-
So I claim I can leave, I hear myself lie
because I'm screaming inside to run away,
away from you so I can avoid
feeling like little more than some menial
chore by which you have to divide your time.

I exist in this deep, dark, deathly place and all I
can think of is to make sure you get your space.
You don't have to ask.
You never have to feel me there
because with each passing night I will shrink,
keep it all tight under lock and key.
Keep it quiet and hidden because it isn't fit to be seen.

So again I teach myself to become
a speck so infinitesimally small that
casts no burdens about and calls not
for any kind of help because I am merely stupid
and my thoughts exist in a constant mess to be swept
under rugs and behind old, dusty lamps in forgotten corners
of old, dark, dirty houses that no one would ever call home anymore.

Because the feeling of love has been
long since gone because once upon
a time they all took a walk out that front door,
crossing the threshold without a single look back:
Forgotten place, forgotten space
that strangers will glance at
and whisper, "What a shame."

So again I say I'm terribly sorry
for being in the way, all my demons say
I must stop superimposing myself onto the end
of your long day when I know all you want
is the peace and rest you surely deserve
but, again it seems, my stupidity rules once again
as you stopped to see if I was okay.

You took me by the hand as if to say
that it didn't matter how you felt but my demons remind me
that I know better and this is not what you had in mind
when you met me, I turned those expectations into pure chaos.
With my emotions cut open wide and
the blood seeps in silence
as I get carried away.