deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pills
Pitter patter goes my heart, lodged betwixt my ribcage,
Entrapped like a feral beast, one that’s deaf and matted with glistening ruby blood, infested with mange
And with an overdose of lethal tarts, laced with lovely poison as sweet and fluffy as cake
It can be put down like the blind heartache it is, swelling within this chest of mine.
In the quivering palm of my quivering hand, are two unsweetened sugar cubes. They’re not fake.
However I’m greedy, and crave more with my relentless, rotted sweet tooth that’s not fine.
Down the hatch they suddenly go, one after another, a tasteless candy ever so darling.
My favourite kind of “candy” every morning.
Entrapped like a feral beast, one that’s deaf and matted with glistening ruby blood, infested with mange
And with an overdose of lethal tarts, laced with lovely poison as sweet and fluffy as cake
It can be put down like the blind heartache it is, swelling within this chest of mine.
In the quivering palm of my quivering hand, are two unsweetened sugar cubes. They’re not fake.
However I’m greedy, and crave more with my relentless, rotted sweet tooth that’s not fine.
Down the hatch they suddenly go, one after another, a tasteless candy ever so darling.
My favourite kind of “candy” every morning.
Published 18th Aug 2015
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29th Jan 2017 8:32am
My favorite part of this poem was "...an overdose of lethal tarts, laced with lovely poison..." because not only do I like the way the words work together in the context of the poem and the pleasing sound of their interaction, but I think you've used alliteration beautifully. The repetition of the "L's" ties the ideas together and juxtaposes the two conflicting ideas of lethal and lovely in a way that mirrors the ideas of your poem.
However, you complete this line with "as sweet and fluffy as cake" and I personally do not care for this simile. Quite honestly, I think it's a bit trite and overly simplistic, especially compared to the complexity of the earlier part of the line. That being said, I understand the purpose of establishing the idea of a treat and respect your choices as a poet.
However, you complete this line with "as sweet and fluffy as cake" and I personally do not care for this simile. Quite honestly, I think it's a bit trite and overly simplistic, especially compared to the complexity of the earlier part of the line. That being said, I understand the purpose of establishing the idea of a treat and respect your choices as a poet.
