Rural network coverage

Oh.
Em.
Gee.
How can this be?
In this day and age?
No network to see?
No wifi in range!
No surfing for me!
My status unchecked.
No updates posted.
No idiots vexed.
No trolls roasted.
No access to games.
No resources collected.
No enemies slain.
No bases protected.
Nothing but time to kill.
I'll have to do something.
I could go outside I suppose.
Be better than nothing.
Amazing graphics,
This world outside,
But the plot line is rubbish
And the characters are snide.
The NPC's may be human
But they act like they're dead
With brainless instinct controlling
Their faces to be fed.
They scare me, these players.
I don't know the rules.
I'm a noob at life.
I'm pwned by these fools.
Oh.... Wait.... Found a signal.
Try to sign in but get a 404...
Interwebs not available.
Can I browse, no more?
No 3G or 4G,
Just GPRS
Or worse still E
Can speeds go much less?
So no joy inside.
No joy out.
When the wireless hides,
You do without.