deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lights
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I feel that I could write
a million little lights
and watch them float away
up a river or a tree.
They'd maybe kiss the waves
or invite them into flame;
either way, know each by name -
they will light the darkest sea.
~
Age when written: 15
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-
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I feel that I could write
a million little lights
and watch them float away
up a river or a tree.
They'd maybe kiss the waves
or invite them into flame;
either way, know each by name -
they will light the darkest sea.
~
Age when written: 15
Published 6th Aug 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
6th Aug 2015 3:54pm
6th Aug 2015 10:28pm
I agree with Ahavati, beautiful imagery!
The only criticism I would have is...unless you're going for a particular structure...try elaborating on the idea of "Up a river or a tree" I feel like that particular line is the only one lacking depth.
But overall, lovely piece!
6th Aug 2015 10:56pm
Thank you both for the feedback. I was going for that short, eight-line concise feeling, but I definitely agree with you that it could have used more depth right there. It's about inspiring people, though, and I was trying to convey how you can never tell how someone will take and be changed by something you create. I hope it worked. Will take that into account next time :)
