deepundergroundpoetry.com
coup de foudre
we’re doomed by the things that we did
off the tracks like Nancy & Sid
it’s about poems, poems about love. it’s about reading
someone else’s poems & falling into them deeply. so
close that they pierce me like darts; like needles,
shooting up impossible dreams. blinded by the beauty of
language, missing explicit details. but when I backtrack &
study those details, that may have been inserted as an
alarm, a warning, maybe, I figure they don’t matter, & I
rush forward like a train bound for glory.
it’s about falling: falling off a ledge, falling out of bed,
falling in love… & when you fall, you could break something,
maybe a heart. that’s why they call it falling.
so she’s gone again; she does that, she goes away without
telling me why, & I’m left alone in the dark. if I sleep, my
dreams are filled with her, & I wonder if her dreams are the
same. when she comes back, she’ll read this, & we’ll fight
about it, because I shed too much light on her darkness –
her sweet elusiveness, like cinnamon.
my agony is recorded in wingless verses written on the wind,
without an echo & washed away by the falling rain. we are
doomed to hurt, we star-crossed lovers, who are chained to
a treadmill of romance that moves inevitably toward unmercy.
but I will suffer bravely in time, as that is my fortune, to know
that I held her in my arms; to know that once, she loved me…
love is a splendid dangerous ride
we’ll go down like Bonnie & Clyde
Published 2nd Aug 2015
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reading list entries 5
comments 17
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2nd Aug 2015 9:21pm
Anonymous
2nd Aug 2015 9:39pm
JFeddeler, I have read many of your poems. . .I've "Splendored & Awed" and I've Added & Wept. . .but this one here. . .this Coup de Foudre. . .steals my heart. . .
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
2nd Aug 2015 10:12pm
<< post removed >>
3rd Aug 2015 00:13am
Anonymous
3rd Aug 2015 4:46am
John, needless to say the theme is tragically beautiful..but i truly appreciated the face paced tone, it was like a runaway train.
I think you have perfected the art of story poem.
I think you have perfected the art of story poem.
3rd Aug 2015 11:57am
Oh, the feel of your poems are always heart stopping, always. Hmm. I think I see less of the noir now, sir, but still more and more of the beauty.
-tpd
-tpd
3rd Aug 2015 12:01pm
3rd Aug 2015 12:43pm
So beautifully written as always,
Fast paced, waiting on each word.
We all find inspiration in different
places, for some of us it is unfortunately in hurtful places.
Always reluctant to comment on
Your work Mr Feddeler,
Fast paced, waiting on each word.
We all find inspiration in different
places, for some of us it is unfortunately in hurtful places.
Always reluctant to comment on
Your work Mr Feddeler,
3rd Aug 2015 1:49pm
Gorgeous. I hurt for you. You are the first writer i read on DU. You set the par for me. And you hold it high. 💋
3rd Aug 2015 5:25pm
The falling could be a variation on the Stendahl Syndrome, total immersion in art. But there's more to it when memory comes into play and your Bonnie Parker returns. I like the way your mind wanders John.
3rd Aug 2015 5:56pm
Anonymous
3rd Aug 2015 7:15pm
geez louise!
"it’s about falling: falling off a ledge, falling out of bed,
falling in love… & when you fall, you could break something,
maybe a heart. that’s why they call it falling."
that stanza? perfection.
"it’s about falling: falling off a ledge, falling out of bed,
falling in love… & when you fall, you could break something,
maybe a heart. that’s why they call it falling."
that stanza? perfection.
I particularly love the idea: "I shed too much light on her darkness" I think I've been in her shoes before. I like how it can be perceived a couple of ways. Maybe you're disrupting her darkness, or maybe you're exposing her darkness. Or both.
Here's a little diddy that came to me in response: http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/212271-too-much-light-on-my-darkness/
I also enjoy the opening and closing references to the two famous couples. Their love was infamous, yet so detrimental.
John I don't even know where to begin with this piece.
...but I will suffer bravely in time, as that is my fortune, to know that I held her once in my arms; to know that once...she loved me...
...you've outdone yourself here sir! Splendid ink!!
!! ...clawing my mark, shall return..
.
.
Now that I am back, I hope the sensual
puntures you received from those dew-
claws aren't too painful, if anything
there is plenty of heated balm & love's
salve going around to make better .
Please do allow my Cherished, because
sometimes it is us..ourselves whom
needs to open to feel it coursing thru
& thru ..thus mating with our hearts
6th Aug 2015 00:29am
The classic tragic...something we have in many ways forgotten...great piece of ink John.
Cheers...Harry
Cheers...Harry
17th Aug 2015 3:20pm
& when you fall, you could break something,
maybe a heart. that’s why they call it falling.
Such a truth written as though just a toss off. So much talent for just one man; you've been dipped in the fountain of words and come out a master.
maybe a heart. that’s why they call it falling.
Such a truth written as though just a toss off. So much talent for just one man; you've been dipped in the fountain of words and come out a master.
