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god damn!!!!!!!   the first piece ran hard as fuck. l  read that like someone screaming at me..intense mam....   it's like a smart dipset.   i really fn like it and that doesn't happen often mam.     the second didn't deliver that way so maybe seperate and publish under diff titles?   or switch order for progression and or to close at high volume.   jus talkin here.it's your baby so raise how you like...     but shit yeah that first run had a roll,language and delivery to break a reader's jaw reciting......       keep that stuff up woman.

The idea to combine the two under the same theme was actually an afterthought after the poem was written. I wanted to find that balance between intensity of the first piece and subdued controlled anger (yet resentful) in the second piece.
It's a style i've been experimenting lately with my other works which are not published at du. And, i'm very glad to hear your thoughts on it so that i can find the weakness and strength to tweak accordingly.

I greatly appreciate your comment JR, as i'm sure you are aware how much I value your work as well.

I am speechless, a wonderful write. So full of emotion, metaphors, paints such crystal images, then disturbs them like a drop on still water. LOVED It! This one belongs in my reading list.

I'm truly honored by your compliment Anon. I heard somewhere that at times a good work to be good, it should disturb and evoke feelings either positively or negatively.  Thank you.

First stanza grips you by the throat... rest shakes you fiercely.  

"How morbidly funny to be compared with 
the weight of a Roman coin"  

Great line that.  Very powerful writing.  Much enjoyed.

Michael

ah Michael, you picked up on the sarcasm lol
yes, most often sarcasm is just a way of hiding pain, anger and frustration.

Thank you for enjoying this and for your wonderful comment.

Gripping and incredible as always my lady. You always bring depth to memorable lines like:  "How morbidly funny to be compared with
the weight of a Roman coin" &  "To bleed in my wounds" . ....,... The therapy at the end explained so much.

Thanks Lena, and this is a story that will continue actually.
I plan to make it into a novella, stay tuned :)

Hey...unlike that first commenter I'm
not bothered by either piece following the other... They were both powerful n held it's own unique 'punch' bravo my dear! :)

PIKM, so you like the power of the voice with conviction in these two pieces.
I'm always experimenting, you know me...looks like i'm onto something here, thank you so much for your awesome feedback :)

I agree, I found the juxtapose very interesting. One making the other that much more intense. Then had to read them again immediately. Stunning work. I had seen your comment on one of my pieces, and mistook your xo for another writer. I usually read a piece of everone who comnents. I just read Miss Underneaths poem about you, beautiful, and you are quite worthy of her high praise, so happy she led me back to you. I am now a fan. 💋

Thank you Jennifer, welcome to Du, hope you're liking it.
Good to hear Lena's poem lead you to my work, she's an amazing friend and a wonderful writer and her tribute poem was quite beautiful and i'm honored to be highly regarded.
I'm glad you liked reading this and I look forward reading your work as well.

two short poems, both reflecting agony. his remarks to the therapist make sense to me, if he's sincere, but his wife has no doubt that he isn't. can a man ever say what a woman wants to hear?

I speak most fluently to women in poems...

When the relationship is at crossroads i guess nothing can be said to make any difference except for the proverbial cliche' 'Actions speak louder than words.'   I do want to touch more on your second part of the comment.  The numbers of comments, the fan base you have (male and female) speak volumes on how you as a male writer is able to communicate so effectively with any topic, from the extreme sultry and sweet to disturbing and questionable with such poise and elegance, that male writers for the most part fail to grasp the secrets of finding the enigma between the sexes. Thus, most erotic writers in the publishing world are females, who write for the most  part for females because for some biological/socio-pyschologoical reasons their male counterparts confuse ego with heart, that's why very few male writers achieve what you have achieved in such a short time at du. I raise my glass to you John for giving us females hope.  Thank you!

Vee, once again I've read and re-read this piece. You are a master of word combination. Two of my favorite passages are, first, "the audacity of well contrived strategy for an eighth sin" ...to me this expresses the idea that we sometimes think that our sins are unique and never before transgressed but I do tend toward Shakespeare's idea that "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy," or "there is nothing new under the Sun." Secondly. "Dreamers dreaming of a chance." I've read many a lonely, desperately seeking poem on this site and I think that often times we try to convince ourselves that we truly know someone in this cyber-world only to be mistaken. I think relationships beg a surer foundation. I'm probably way off base but suffice it to say that your writing inspires me to be a more thoughtful poet. Bravisima! Oh, and the therapy part hits way too close to home :)

First of all thank you so much for your in-depth comment GW, the more we exchange ideas and thoughts thru comments the more i'm discovering your vast knowledge and appreciation of finer arts.       When I was constructing this, i didn't want some rant poem of anger about a relationship which was sidetracked through misunderstandings and miscommunication.  I wanted to retrace it back to the many references and analogies which are part of history (yet we fail to learn from it, not so surprising).   The reference for 8th sin is quite loaded, for the most part the sins (all 7 of them which have been condensed at later date) we have become so immune to them that they're no longer shocking and the side implication that we are created from image of god (most mistaken the fact that we have 'his' bodily features) actually means we are capable of playing god at any given moment, positively or negatively as with that in the old testament of an angry god which spread quite bit of wrath to punish.   So your interpretation on it was on target, that nothing is longer new under the sun.     Thank you again for your comment which i thoroughly enjoyed reading.            

An epic!!! Left me speechless Rina...must now read once more my friend.
Cheers...Harry

Harry!!  It's so good to see you!
I wish you'd drop in more often, i've missed reading your ink.
You have no idea how happy I was to see your name in my comment update and if i left you speechless that means I'm doing something right ;)

The intense feeling detailed in the first part is strengthened in the person you are using ("our").  Even though the second part is a contrast, I feel that changing the view to outside of the couple creates a space not needed. Using the same person tense in both might connect the reader a bit more.

Mr. Jazz, i will most certainly consider that in the future if i plan to use both as part of one (continuous) chapter but at the time they were written, they were written as separate units under the same theme.  
I wanted an objective view of the scene, the emotions played out without the murky judgement of a first person direction.

I do appreciate all suggestions and i thank you for leaving your thoughts.