deepundergroundpoetry.com
Wanted
I've been chasing me my whole life
cascading evil shall be caught
grip the stone of the butcher's knife
I've been chasing me my whole life
shall I falter as did Lot's wife?
no bounty, I'm already bought
I've been chasing me my whole life
cascading evil shall be caught
Presented in the Triolet Riot competition hosted by Alexander Case
Published 30th Jul 2015
| Edited 3rd Aug 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 10
reads 900
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
31st Jul 2015 3:08am
Very nice!
I REALLY relate to the idea of "I've been chasing me my whole life"
The only criticism I would have is that the third to last line has too many syllables. I might recommend "No bounty, I'm already bought"
I REALLY relate to the idea of "I've been chasing me my whole life"
The only criticism I would have is that the third to last line has too many syllables. I might recommend "No bounty, I'm already bought"
3rd Aug 2015 5:02pm
Thank you so much for this comment ... I will surely make the change suggested ...
I wish I'd seen this before finalizing my entry in the competition; but thank you just the same.
I wish I'd seen this before finalizing my entry in the competition; but thank you just the same.
31st Jul 2015 3:28am
"cascading evil shall be caught"
~this is a flutter of strong thought... works very well as a repeater line here. ;)
luck to your entry, m'friend~
be well,
~d
~this is a flutter of strong thought... works very well as a repeater line here. ;)
luck to your entry, m'friend~
be well,
~d
3rd Aug 2015 5:05pm
It's an interesting form, triolets ... There are still some nuisances I need to learn, so I appreciate your feedback
peace
peace
Anonymous
31st Jul 2015 7:33am
Wow. . .xoxo, Devlin;)
3rd Aug 2015 5:07pm
Between you and HadesRising, when I get positive feedback on a dark piece I know I've done something right
xoxo
xoxo
31st Jul 2015 1:02pm
i like the two triolets you did Lo...you make it 'look' so easy.... :)
like the words 'cascading evil'...paints a picture to be sure....
like the words 'cascading evil'...paints a picture to be sure....
3rd Aug 2015 5:11pm
lol easy? I truly struggle with rhyme schemes ... Takes me forever to work them out. The best thing about this form for someone like me is the repeating lines lessen the work
Thanks for the read and comment Kate
Thanks for the read and comment Kate
3rd Aug 2015 1:44pm
3rd Aug 2015 5:12pm
You got it exactly ... I was trying to write about the conflict within.
