Parents  

Yup, too many parents do this, have a dream for their child and expect them to fulfill it, or they project their unfulfilled dreams for themselves onto them. It's terrible. Kids/individuals should be encouraged to be who they are always! The damage it does to kids, thinking they won't please their parents any other way than doing what they expect of them. Awful stuff, no one should have to live under that pressure. Some spend their lives trying and miserable, others rebel and do the opposite. People who live life according to their own choices for themselves end up happier. Life is about doing what's best for you, what makes you happiest, and anyone touting unconditional love should teach this, at least in my opinion.

Also, you make another  good point here, about the dangers of instilling false hope, lies, and sheltering. Too much protection is unhelpful, and realism is essential.

Great write, enjoyed.

you are such a wise owl - thank you for your insightful comments

:-)

Well said David! I had a sort of opposite experience, possibly because my 3 older brothers tired them out before I came along. My parents did almost nothing to encourage me in any direction, and so here I am, 52 years old and still trying to find a direction to go in as a broken old man running out of time. Sure, it could have been worse, but is it too much to ask your parents to say "I love you" just once? The closest I ever got to that was when I told my parents that I never heard them say it to me, my mother replied, "of course we love you"... my parents never helped me with homework or anything else. I got to watch lots of tv with them, as long as I wanted to watch what they were watching... my dad took me hunting and fishing with him but I only went so I could spend time with him. I've never done those things on my own or with anyone else, unless they happened to be going with us. Never played catch with my dad, even though I was out in the street or the back yard with my ball and glove every day. My mom was always yelling at us to get out of the house because she wanted peace and quiet. So yeah, it could have been worse, I could have had parents who beat my ass and screamed fowl language at me, but what I really needed and never got were hugs and "I love you"zzz from time to time. I always said that if I ever had kids, I would hug them every day and tell them I loved them every chance I had. But I never got that chance and still have no one in my life to hug or say "I love you to". I quess the grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe there should be a law, you can't have kids unless you pass a parenting class and show the doctor your diploma before you can take your child home... and if you have more than one, you take another parenting class on how to raise mutiple children. Parents seem to think that fµ©*ing somehow imparts wisdom on them....
JJ

thank you for such a well thought out reply - as you suggest parenthood is indeed a very difficult balancing act, parents can go from one extreme to the other. I learned as a parent of 4 that it's best to avoid the extremes and find the middle ground - My father never ever said I love you and I mean never. That affects me even to this day, but he was a good teacher of what parenthood is - I just did the total opposite to what he did.

of course, on the other side,
I grew up liking tall tales of castles and
princes in towers, although to me
they always seemed a little
Grimm...

LOL - to the grimm :-)

Makes me think of my mother.  Well-intentioned but pushy instead of challenging.  When my turn came my daughter kept complaining "It isn't fair."  I always replied that life was not fair and she had to deal with it. To use the vernacular, she fucked up real good.  Then she turned things around  found out who she was on her own and now owns a prosperous business.  One of us at least got it right.

thank you for reading and your comments :-)

I learned from my parents to bring up my children in the opposite way from what they did. Having said that I think parenthood is a bit of a lottery and all you can do is your best. Even having done your best doesn't mean automatically that things will all workout. For me the most important thing was making sure that my children full realised that I loved them :-)

Never really had that thing with my parents, I had aspirations as a kid and my parents always said "go for it" instead of "you should be an astronaut!." I think with my future career in the education system this practical and encouraging attitude I got worked out in the short and long run.

yes I think you are right, the only thing I would add to that is that the child knows that you care and if it your own children they also know that you really love them  :-)

thank you so much for reading and commenting :-)