You'll never Understand

You'll never understand
All that I sacrificed to keep you happy
I gave you most of my time
And lost many precious moments
I found myself in deep pain
Sad from what I had to give up
But I never once fussed about it
No I never let it show
Those times it hurt to miss
A smile I was so close to having
Just one touch away
But I arrived too late to feel
So quickly nights passed by
And I couldn't even blame you
It was just the consequence
Of having mostly good friendship
Then I'd sleep alone
And dream of better days
Hoping that tomorrow
I could hold on tight to what I'd missed
Silent scolding of myself
How could I go against my heart
It shouldn't have to be this hard
Conflicted as to what was right
So scared I'd lose the beauty I'd come across
Couldn't tell if I'd done enough to maintain it
Flowers don't grow without their daily dose of water
And I too was lacking nourishment
If the petals ever wilted
The fault would be all mine
My brand new light would fade
But at least you'd be happy
I could exist in the dark with you
For however long you wanted
Maybe one day you'd let me go
And I could be free to find all I seek
How could the one I'd trusted so long
Have such absurd expectations
Controlled by paranoia
You questioned my devotion
I broke myself trying to fix it
And hid the pieces away well
I should have known it was a losing battle
That all I'd be fighting for was the end
Much confusion and tear filled eyes
From frustration I'd endured
No one at all to turn to
Nowhere safe to go
Sometimes I felt safety was a breath away
Though I could never move too close toward it
I had to prove myself loyal to you
But the air was getting toxic
Still I fought on to breathe
Extracted all my capabilities
But it wasn't good enough
I guess it never is
Put your wants aside
For the benefit of someone else's needs
Despite its measurement in numbers
There is no way to make it count
Indeed you can give everything
And get nothing in return
Just because you think it should be seen
It doesn't mean it will be noticed
Truth is you wanted more than I had
And devalued my efforts when you didn't get it
I will no longer take all the blame
I'm done

And you'll never understand what I went through
But fuck it, I don't need you to
Nothing to gain by holding on to hope that you might
You won't, there's no changing that, I'm accepting this tonight