an ode to metal

death metal is for twats and retards.

no wonder people die at death metal concerts cause they're so dumb and spasticated that they run into each other, hit each other and fall onto the floor only to get trampled to the deep dark depths of satans womb.

Rancid T.

Good thing this is a poetry website and not a concert. Come on now.

its bigger than death metal. death metal is like a nail on the hand of the long arm of rock. metal is the hand, and a mighty hand at that.

Since you've allowed honest feedback, I have to admit that I find this poem childish and churlish. Some of the rhymes aren't particularly poetic - "rad/mad"//"rock/cock" - and some of the imagery is downright foolish too. The line "chavs can go suck a cock" is unnecessary and crude (and aside from the poetry, this kind of chavs vs. metalheads clash is dull and pointless). The rhythmic flow of the poem suffers too, largely due to the convoluted rhyming.

It's the kind of verse I'd imagine you'd find in a "metalhead's birthday card" or something similar.



And the reason that metal has been around longer than rap is because rap only really gained popularity in the mid 1980s. The electronics and samples used primarily in rap or hip-hop simply weren't around in the seventies, when metal was growing in the public consciousness.

personally i don't give a fuck this poem is payback for all the insults iv'e received over the years

Well, I find that to be pretty rude. I just gave my honest critique as you requested. You'll find your attitude changes (regarding your music tastes) sooner rather than later.

i dont care what what people put i read them and might take them into consideration and move on i don't cry about it like some whiny little bitch

Right. Great outlook you have there.

im not trying to be funny or anything but if you don't like this poem go away and don't waste your time by commenting!

Change your comment preference from "honest critique" to "no thanks, not in my town".  
 
As honest critiques go, I have to agree with Cthonian's assessment.  If you rhyme then you have to be on the beat every single time (no rhyme intended), otherwise you run the risk of the poem sounding awkward and contrived.  (Much like how I commented on your "Time" poem and I see that you have since made some revisions)
 
Don't take these comments as a personal attack, see them as an opportunity to be a little bit better than you were yesterday.

i know like i said before i dont care if people think my poems are shit hate all you want but you are just wasting your time unless your suggesting improvements i chose honest critique because im used to getting criticized  all the time in reality both positive and negative

As DB said, it's not a personal attack, it's just a critique to help improve your poetry. I love metal too, so that's why I wanted to help get your poems about the subject a little more coherent and illustrative.

Alright... honest critique... Do you EVER use "rad" in your daily language?  The poem is in contemporary, maybe metal/goth scene language.  When would you use "rad"?

Drop the use of "rad" because it just sounds totally wrong in this context.  THAT is an honest poem-improving suggestion IMHO. Unfortunately, you can't act on it because then you'd have to find another word to rhyme with "mad", OR change both those lines altogether.

There you go. I gave a suggestion, which you can now ignore.

If you/we didn't get criticized ever, then I guess that'd make us gods.  We'd have nothing to strive for, no self-improvement necessary.  Anyway, I'm not here to get into some philosophical, psycho-analysis with you.  No-one here is trying to change who you are, just help you write better poetry (mostly).

Fin

i know your just trying to help but all this poem was only ever ment to be was a joke- nothing else most of my other poems are quite serious

Jokes are cool, I'm fine with that but then seriously, just change the commenting preference.

Peace out Girl Scout.

ok cool dude but im totally fine with the commenting preference like i said before im used to getting all kinds of criticism

\m/ haha

dont listen to these fags