Don't Expect A Reply

Dear God.

It seems quite odd writing this, but not quite as odd as sitting here witnessing more than a handful of immediate results of your lack of planning. Just so you know it is 20:30 and I am sat with my window open allowing the cigarette smoke to drift out of the window, but this hardly seems worth it with what drifts in. They are three Asian men discussing cars stood outside over the top of a running engine. Judging from their earlier response when I attempted to approach them calmly it was made apparent to me that you created me as an invisible mute. Cars are still driving up and down my drive as I continue to write, and it seems that the three men outside the window are incapable of reaching any conclusions whatsoever. This is merely an introductory note based upon the immediate…

Having ‘lived’ on your planet for a stretch of twenty six years I have noticed many discrepancies in what one would consider a plane of existence created by a super-intelligent being. It would be much easier for me to quickly bullet point these discrepancies, but it seems that as well as making me mute and transparent, you have also insisted that I over complicate basic statements, despite them never being heard. 

I would like to begin by querying your reason for not putting some form of cap on our population, or at least making an appearance when we started creeping above the billion mark. I can only assume that when pulling off your magic trick at the beginning of time it was in your current interest to support the well-being of your creations... How in ***’s name is that possible when we are all rubbing against each other like acrid sandpaper people? The only answer I am yet to receive is from sinisterly smarmy individuals who appear to be a few years behind the rest of us telling me it is all part of your plan.

Just to side track, I was recently sat in a pub (good move by the way) at the bar, and was approached by a very pleasant gentleman who remembered me from a few months back -He had been discussing you. He carried quite a strong argument for your existence until reaching in to his pocket for his iPhone to check the current football scores. I, as you would imagine, informed him that his view of how you want us to live in unison with his chosen methods of enjoyment/escapism made his overall being rather dualistic and quite difficult to take seriously.

Darting back to my original concern (the one dealing with females imitating machine guns with their vaginas) It is not only worrying that we are being forced closer together, but why are the parents making sure they fill the gaps 9 out of 10 times retarded? (pardon my choice of wording here, but it is a certain breed of stereotypical degenerate who walks behind the tri-baby pushchair) As a word of advice (a little pretentious, I know) Maybe you could keep an eye on the mothers aiming to have more than one child and grant them their wish but insist that the children are all born at once and joined together. Much like a living version of the space saving Curver Box. 

Following the time line from the current degenerate breeding program, I am further interested to understand what to expect from my yet to come experience of being fifty years old, other than 150 million under educated manifestations of your counterpart running around in a country that has given up.

The wars, natural disasters and terminal diseases… I cannot fault you on, it seems very clear why they exist, and I raise my glass to them on a regular basis, despite disdainful looks from nearby patrons. I would however suggest that you move them away from where they occur most frequently and focus their wrath towards more Westernised localities. 

Well, God, I have plenty more to say, but it would be futile to carry on if you weren’t even reading this far, which no one seems to be able to guarantee you are or will. I do wish you well, and hope that you will start paying a little more attention to the slightly more rational portion of your creation. Some of the others have been quite busy distorting any logical vision of you in to a varied array of beings: Six arms, elephant-like, prejudiced and even female! I thoroughly look forward to our future correspondence.

Yours truly,

Panama Judas