deepundergroundpoetry.com
After Death
With the hand of the Lord in my hand
We walk together to the promised land
I have reached salvation from my pain
And God herself reach the end
I see no more suffering anymore
In Heaven with God now in the end
The pain I once had is no more
And now I grace upon this new land
I never knew how forgiving she was
And how blissful it would be here
So free away from pain's hand
I am finally alive after my death
Owned by Dustin Smith: Bastardofbodom666
We walk together to the promised land
I have reached salvation from my pain
And God herself reach the end
I see no more suffering anymore
In Heaven with God now in the end
The pain I once had is no more
And now I grace upon this new land
I never knew how forgiving she was
And how blissful it would be here
So free away from pain's hand
I am finally alive after my death
Owned by Dustin Smith: Bastardofbodom666
Published 1st Jun 2011
| Edited 20th Mar 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
1st Jun 2011 6:39pm
1st Jun 2011 7:21pm
lol i wouldnt expect everyone to like it... its somethin i just randomly came up with and I decided to post it for the hell of it.
Anonymous
2nd Jun 2011 2:21am
Even I have my mellow writes...it happens. It shows the introspective side of ourselves!
With the hand of the Lord in my hand (hand/hand twice in same line.. maybe change it a little so as not to feel repetetive)
We walk together to the promised land
I have reached salvation from my pain
And God herself reach the end (love it.. Herself!... but is She reach(ing) the end?.. are you?... a little confusing)
I see no more suffering anymore (i think \'more\' is not needed in this line, \'no more/anymore\' maybe on different lines but not in the same one)
In Heaven with God now in the end (\'in heaven with God now\' sounds clear enough to have impact on it\'s own)
The pain I once had is no more
And now I grace upon this new land (i \'grace\' upon this new land? interesting use of the word, can you explain why?.. i am curious :) )
These were just mere observations to maybe help, and of course, just my humble opinion.
An interesting piece otherwise ;)
We walk together to the promised land
I have reached salvation from my pain
And God herself reach the end (love it.. Herself!... but is She reach(ing) the end?.. are you?... a little confusing)
I see no more suffering anymore (i think \'more\' is not needed in this line, \'no more/anymore\' maybe on different lines but not in the same one)
In Heaven with God now in the end (\'in heaven with God now\' sounds clear enough to have impact on it\'s own)
The pain I once had is no more
And now I grace upon this new land (i \'grace\' upon this new land? interesting use of the word, can you explain why?.. i am curious :) )
These were just mere observations to maybe help, and of course, just my humble opinion.
An interesting piece otherwise ;)
