(experimental new poem) baby’s got the blues

I thought I knew you  
from the childhood playground
to all the hell  
life could throw at us  
to the scratches in the headboard
from all the fucks we couldn’t hold  
 
From every homeless adventure
that ended with us going home  
because freeganism is only good
when the shelter is free  
 
And now I don’t know your face  
that blames and shames  
and looks down at this life  
we built for ourselves  
like it’s something  
to be ashamed of  
 
And I should have known  
to expect the unexpected
flick a switch and everything changes
the world falling down around us  
 
And now you’re there  
crumbling with that world
heading to a place  
too dark for me to follow  
my body bruised with the heat
of your chemical rage  
 
I’m covered in ash  
from all the cigarettes  
you shouldn’t be smoking  
but can’t let go of  
as you fight the life inside  
 
We browse the thrift shop baby section  
you look at in disdain
while I look at the teddy bears  
thinking of all the comfort  
that second-hand fur will one day bring
to the innocence growing inside you  
like a cancer
 
Because our lives are no longer a dream  
I wake beside you and wonder  
if today will be better than
the sci-fi horror flick of yesterday  
where this child is a parasite  
waiting to rip you  
from the inside you  
leaving nothing but death behind
 
And I shouldn’t have to tell you  
you were my rock  
that’s now crumbled in your hands
like shards in my soul  
as you throw another  
ashtray at my head  
like I'm the human dartboard  
of your sufferings  
 
I thought I knew you  
from the childhood playground
to all the hell  
life could throw at us  
to the scratches in the headboard
from all the fucks we couldn’t hold  
 
And now I find  
in the distance of your eyes
I don’t know you at all  
 
© Indie Adams 2015