another attempt at a Triolet

There's not much of a narrative or accessible theme here, but the images are tight and shocking, which I like. They reek of violation and profaning the sacred. I do love a dark poem, so I enjoyed this.

cheers good fellow  
 
I see your point about narrative and theme, though I'll admit it never even entered my head 'til you pointed it out  
 
all seriousness though, thanks, next time I'll keep those aspects in mind. I thought about editing to accommodate some semblance of narrative but in my limited experience of these things an edit could be more heartache than actually writing. I'll put this one down to lesson learned  
 
thanks again for the visit and thoughts
 
edit:  I put in a couple of line breaks to see if that helps, not sure if its within the structure's rules though

is the last stanza, first line worded correctly? it just tripped me up because it doesn't match the other repetitions of that line.

i'm of the opinion that it doesn't have to have a narrative and/or theme. it evokes emotion. especially a bleakness. that is enough for me. but i am not a triolet expert in any way!

hullo, and welcome to this place, Lady


and god bless your eyesight. when I was choppin' and changin' I forgot to chop and change everything. ..actually that's not entirely true, I made a conscious effort to get everything in uniform and failed

you may be right, and thank you for your visit and thoughts.

bleakness, yeah ol' Dickens certainly had some success with the bleak

thanks again    

I only just learnt what a triolet was this week. It sounds like it should be a French bicycle or something... anyway, I digress. I like them. They're like little snippets of songs, or memories.

I'm liking the raw materials images. Stone, bone, chiselling. The images are all continuous, which is good to see.

french, try-lick-le :)-

yeah, I had 'quite like words hammered into place' for the second line originally, I'm considering changing it back. I dunno, that's the problem with these things ..for a tight structure it throws up so many options

thank you most lots for the visit and thoughts, Missus Missy  

CraicDealer, luv ~ :-*

This Triolet form is quite fascinating. Apparently, one can work with limitations on the number of syllables within a line as well should one so desire as part of the form (for additional stringency and self-torment) :-p.

You've crafted something fascinating and hauntingly melancholy, gripping and thought-provoking, luv. :-*

cheers, Lady. you're very kind

yeah, there are some very interesting forms out there. I like the triolet, as you point out, check out the pantoum too, it's also a tricky little number

thanks heaps and bunches for your visit and comment, Lady  

Ohhh, you wicked, wicked, wicked creature, you! I was already hooked and drawn into this Triolet by Monsieur Case, though I know not if I'll have anything for the actual contest. Tis enough to have my mind occupied with it. ;-p

Now, you've enticed, seduced, and allured me with this Pantoum form. Och, man, methinks you've a wee devil in you. ;-*

Thank you, indeed, luv. :-* You are a dangerous, tricksy creature... ;-p

well, yes. I wont lie, perhaps there is a devil in me.

thank you for the compliments. you should try all the different forms and structures, if only to have tried them


cheers, Lady

this is a really captivating little poem, I enjoyed reading it. :)

very kind of you to say, young lady. and thank you for saying it, and for dropping by to read  ..so you could say it  

so, thanks thrice, Lady

Smooth facial etching misters!
always, you pen great mind pics ;)
curtsies,
~d

Miss, D

you're very kind, and polite. thank you mch for the compliment, and thanks for stopping by and leaving your footprints

You took me in the second line..

that's a grand compliment, good fellow.I hope I gave you back in one piece and of sound mind

Welcome to this place

and thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts

really good poem. i like this.

Cheers man

Welcome to DU, enjoy your stay

thanks for dropping by and leaving your words

Your work is just awe inspiring! Wow!

Perfect.

Oh wow, just count me wordless
with shallow breathing..

This sort of shook me but it was
astounding! ..

-Howlings

Miss Whelms

terrible sorry I missed this.

ahh, I try new forms now n again. my first attempt was ...less than coherent.  practice makes better though, next one will be epic heh heh

my thanks to you for the visit and thoughts. much appreciated dear lady

This reads like a painting that you provide a canvass, the paint, and the start for, but which the viewer is required to finish, especially in determining  the source of the trauma. Engaging composition!

Thanks Jazzman

I suppose this one turned out alright in fairness. I like the canvas thing, it explains what I had in mind pretty good. I could have gone the other way and rammed a scenario into your heads, but I think this way is more towards what I want to write like


appreciate you droppin', by and your support, good fellow. thank you bunches

Anytime- as in the words of my junior high English teacher who was the niece of a fairly popular author, you "write what is worth reading"

strong and powerful words .... trauma can have such an impact

Hullo, Daffodil

ah yes, this one was tricky, might try something new soon

muchos thankios for leaving your footprints

A master of words to say so much with so few.

Hullo

I was doing minimalist  before it was cool :)-

delighted to see you here, lady . And much thanks for leaving your thought prints

*hat tio*