deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tasting your Submission
passion and romance
and then
the opening
the walkway looking west
a small cutaway
I held you close
staring into your laser eyes
holding you tight
tenderness spinning out of control
a new control emerged
one you knew was buried
deep in my brow
matching you stare for stare
electrons and gamma rays
cross stimulation
I took your smile
and marked it
with my glare
taking you
under my wing
protecting you
feeding you
giving you breath
tasting your submission
leaving you hungry for more…
and then
the opening
the walkway looking west
a small cutaway
I held you close
staring into your laser eyes
holding you tight
tenderness spinning out of control
a new control emerged
one you knew was buried
deep in my brow
matching you stare for stare
electrons and gamma rays
cross stimulation
I took your smile
and marked it
with my glare
taking you
under my wing
protecting you
feeding you
giving you breath
tasting your submission
leaving you hungry for more…
Published 22nd Jun 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 12
reads 994
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Jun 2015 4:43am
Welcome DUP.
Not bad, however I think this needs a little work
I don't favor the choice to use 'laser eyes' as a description of a person's eyes and the ending lines sounded a little too romantic for a write like this. I don't think this a bad poem I just think it needs some improvement.
Not bad, however I think this needs a little work
I don't favor the choice to use 'laser eyes' as a description of a person's eyes and the ending lines sounded a little too romantic for a write like this. I don't think this a bad poem I just think it needs some improvement.
22nd Jun 2015 11:23am
Anonymous
22nd Jun 2015 11:31am
i disagree [somewhat] vehemently with the previous comment.
submission, be it M/s or D/s or even those annoying goreans is not all about unspeakably kinky fuckery. it is such a delicate thing, built on trust, founded on a depth of emotion few are fortunate to understand...
"taking you
under my wing
protecting you
feeding you
giving you breath"
^^^^^^
... that is the crux of submission [imho]. that is what a Dominant/ Master's priorities should be. even as a masochist, i want my Sadist to be the air i breathe. as a little, my Daddy is the very center of my world; how else does one put your mental, emotional [&] physical wellbeing into someone hands when stepping into a "scene"
*
in short, those fecking lines belong there, Mister Sybil & they'd better damn well stay there lol
much love for this piece of yours
~ k
xo
*leaves with soapbox*
submission, be it M/s or D/s or even those annoying goreans is not all about unspeakably kinky fuckery. it is such a delicate thing, built on trust, founded on a depth of emotion few are fortunate to understand...
"taking you
under my wing
protecting you
feeding you
giving you breath"
^^^^^^
... that is the crux of submission [imho]. that is what a Dominant/ Master's priorities should be. even as a masochist, i want my Sadist to be the air i breathe. as a little, my Daddy is the very center of my world; how else does one put your mental, emotional [&] physical wellbeing into someone hands when stepping into a "scene"
*
in short, those fecking lines belong there, Mister Sybil & they'd better damn well stay there lol
much love for this piece of yours
~ k
xo
*leaves with soapbox*
22nd Jun 2015 1:16pm
22nd Jun 2015 1:47pm
Hello boomBOX
I think "laser eyes" is beautifully descriptive.
I like the way you write, it tends to flow from within, reminds me of a Charles Bukowski piece I love dearly called "So you want to be a writer". Google it when you have a minute if you don't know it.
Thank You ever so much for the opportunity to read your words.
ciao
Al
P.S. Welcome to the word wizardry nut house!
I think "laser eyes" is beautifully descriptive.
I like the way you write, it tends to flow from within, reminds me of a Charles Bukowski piece I love dearly called "So you want to be a writer". Google it when you have a minute if you don't know it.
Thank You ever so much for the opportunity to read your words.
ciao
Al
P.S. Welcome to the word wizardry nut house!
22nd Jun 2015 2:29pm
Thx AL
You made my day. I know Bukowski, but not that piece. Will google. Bukowski inspired me from the get go to start writing. Post Office was my first Charles read. So any comparison to his work is most flattering ...
Appreciate your comments
You made my day. I know Bukowski, but not that piece. Will google. Bukowski inspired me from the get go to start writing. Post Office was my first Charles read. So any comparison to his work is most flattering ...
Appreciate your comments
Anonymous
22nd Jun 2015 2:35pm
two things:
1. this poem was not what i was expecting. i like surprises.
2. i appreciate the stark images against the gentleness.
1. this poem was not what i was expecting. i like surprises.
2. i appreciate the stark images against the gentleness.
22nd Jun 2015 3:00pm
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
22nd Jun 2015 5:44pm
<< post removed >>
22nd Jun 2015 10:27pm
This was a former Poetspeak entry. I liked it so much I brought it here. It had a different title back then in PS days. It was wild ride, I've written about her here in a bunch of poems. Sadly she's moved out west though we still talk about the good old days once in awhile.
23rd Jun 2015 00:02am
Ahhhhh, there you are. I remember reading this. I think it's beautiful. Such a distinct depiction of no ordinary love. (I know, Sade now stuck in the head).
