deepundergroundpoetry.com
Honest Criticism
Why do I keep pumping out this lyrical, spiritual nonsense??
I need it like a beggar needs to eat
I've been away too many years
No, do not worry
This won't end in tears
You said I wasn't good enough
But does it have to be so complicated?
I don't need a million complex words to get my point across
You know what I mean
I'm the graffiti on your walls, c'mon you know what I want
Maybe I spent to many days in the quarter, watching humans eating one another
This here's MY world
So I'll play by MY rules
Honest or not, you're just rude
Oh baby I'm reaching climax, so let me pump this out on your face.
I need it like a beggar needs to eat
I've been away too many years
No, do not worry
This won't end in tears
You said I wasn't good enough
But does it have to be so complicated?
I don't need a million complex words to get my point across
You know what I mean
I'm the graffiti on your walls, c'mon you know what I want
Maybe I spent to many days in the quarter, watching humans eating one another
This here's MY world
So I'll play by MY rules
Honest or not, you're just rude
Oh baby I'm reaching climax, so let me pump this out on your face.
Published 18th Jun 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 715
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
18th Jun 2015 11:03pm
Danii,
That's one way to dot and eye! ;-) Enjoyed!
tornado
That's one way to dot and eye! ;-) Enjoyed!
tornado
19th Jun 2015 2:14pm
19th Jun 2015 3:43pm
I like your style of writing and look forward to reading more.
However, I'm a fan of "honest critiques" and always welcome them on mine. This is just my opinion, no offense meant at all...
"No, do not worry
This won't end in tears"
These two lines are completely unneeded and detract from the piece for me. The rhyme is almost never worth it...
The very last line thrown into the sexual thing seems really out of place. I didn't get it...
That's it, take care and keep writing! :)
However, I'm a fan of "honest critiques" and always welcome them on mine. This is just my opinion, no offense meant at all...
"No, do not worry
This won't end in tears"
These two lines are completely unneeded and detract from the piece for me. The rhyme is almost never worth it...
The very last line thrown into the sexual thing seems really out of place. I didn't get it...
That's it, take care and keep writing! :)
25th Jun 2015 4:37am
22nd Aug 2015 11:51am
I like this poem quite a lot and yet I too don't get the sexual ending. Perhaps it's just me, since it wouldn't be the first time something has gone over my head. In any case a fine piece of writing.
