Equal Opportunity Unity

Ahhh, Poetryman, luv ~ :-*

It seems to me, mayhap, you are speaking of separate things here. One cannot command another to love. Ever. Many, many things may be commanded, a great many things indeed, but love? Never that.

There are such a multitudinous number of variations of ways in which people may engage in relationships that here is where some fine distinctions, I believe, may occur and, mayhap, this is where you aim.

For you, a relationship must be comprised of certain elements and not others: no BDSM within suits you best and along with that equality, equity, unity, a wholly equal partnership that expresses certain ideals. For you this is best and what embodies an ideal relationship. For others, somewhat else and for countless others, a plethora of other choices whatever those may be.

However, the ideals of equity, equality, unity, a wholly equal partnership may also be present in a BDSM relationship for there are a myriad permutations there as well. In fact, determining boundaries and consensuality, establishing safe words, ensuring each other's needs are met may (and oft-times does) involve a greater degree of unity, equity, equality, and communication than is many times present within more conventional relationships.

Within each of those dynamics, however, love may exist, may flourish in and of itself. Love is.

Meh. I've gone on and on here. You caused me to ruminate and cogitate... ;-*

This piece here of yours? Tis beautifully written, luv. Clearly, you are immensely passionate and a great gem! :-*

Thank you. This is how I have always felt. In recent months I began to detest the concept of bdsm. It never bothered me before until I started seeing what it was doing to some friends who I cared for very much. It ruined their relationships and left them a mess. I offered my opinions privately to them for months, only to see them go back for more abuse and get hurt even worse. People get brainwashed into believing relationships are about control over others or being controlled. I think all of that is bullshit. So last night I saw the competition Dom or Sub and I thought, gee, those are the only choices, ya gotta be Dom or Sub? How about just being in love? How about loving as equals? So I wrote this and entered it in the competition. Of course it won't win, but I really felt like there ought to be something else for lovers to strive for. This is what I want and if the rest of the world doesn't like it, well, I won't say it out of respect for you, but it ain't nice.

I love this poem. Of course I am biased, but I felt great writing it and I feel great about it now. It expresses how I have felt about love my whole life and if anyone doesn't like it, go...!
JJ

Ahhh, luv ~

I am, indeed, incredibly sorry that your friends' experience was not what it should have been. Unfortunately, within any realm of human experience, abuses occur. There is great depth and beauty to be found in BDSM; however, it can be used to abuse as can anything. This is precisely why safety measures are so elaborate and training is paramount.

Sadly, abuse can occur in any relationship.

Mayhap, rather than entering this poem in that competition (though tis a grand poem, I believe it is too lengthy for it), write another as it is open to any flavor of sexual interest as stated in the rules. However, I believe the poem must be 30 words, which is why I have not entered. ;-p

Then, mayhap, start another contest, luv, and state that it's for Vanilla sex entries alone; that way no BDSM will be entered, although I will admit it does seem to me there are plenty of contests catering to the general community. That one simply happened to be catering to BDSM. ;-p

I would hardly call passionate, loving sex "vanilla" except for when we get the ice cream out and have a delicious time together...

I must have overlooked the 30 words or less part, so I deleted my entry. But that's ok, I got a poem out of me that I have been thinking about writing for months.

I think that any kind of love that people need training to participate in is not love at all. I call that brain washing. If you need safety measures, that means it is not otherwise safe. There is always a chance for abuse in any relationship, but if you give away your rights, you accept abuse as part of your life. Bdsm is a haven for men and women who want to abuse others and they seek personality types they can easily control.

Fair enough. The appellation truly requires a change by now: Tiramisu. Complex, layered, full of subtle surprise, variation, flavor - oft-times bold and daring as well. I've never much cared for Vanilla as the appellation of choice for that not BDSM.

I am exceedingly glad you wrote this poem, luv. :-* I mean that.

I agree with you; if you give away your rights - tis a crucial phrase and in a safely, consensual relationship, there are safeguards. Are they foolproof? Is aught humans do? In truth, the sub has the ultimate power (or absolutely should) for it is he or she who determines what is desired...within limits predefined. A responsible Dom(me) ensures that, regardless of a sub's desires, he or she remains safe at all times. This is paramount and a tremendous responsibility. And, yes, training, I believe, is required.

Sadly, you are also correct in this: that BDSM can be a haven for those seeking to harm others. Therefore, tis quite crucial to vet carefully any potential partners and there are ways to do this.  

Of course, one can, equally sadly, locate abusive partners in the Tiramisu world as well...

You, luv, are an extraordinary and marvelous soul who has been remarkably kind to engage in this dialogue with me. Thank you so much, luv. :-*

Did I mention that I LOVE this poem?!!!

You did and I think that's rather splendid that you do. :-*

jj, this peaks my boundless curiosity about human sexuality, especially since not being subjugated is something i cannot fathom, it is something i cannot respect in my partner. for of what use is a man who cannot drive me to my knees with the need to kiss the ground he walks on in gratitude. but these differences are what intrigues me...
"it will not be in a relation of my participation
to take you as my posession or kneel in subjugation"
... i love the romance of this, the "emotional switching" [if you will]
*
a beautiful write indeed dear man xo

I don't know how it came to be that you feel the way you do, but I'm willing to bet that you were either raised in a family where it was the way of life, or you were disciplined and or abused into submitting and giving away your equality. 150 years ago in America, an entire race of people were enslaved that way. Well, actually it started 500 years ago, but the method of sexually subjugating free people is very much the same as enslaving people to grow your crops and clean your house and make them do whatever else you want them to. After the first generation it gets easier because that is all they know. I don't know if your life was ever any different but reading a statement like not being subjugated is something you can't fathom, that astonishes me. You must have been raised somewhere that finds that behavior acceptable. What use is a man that will drive you to your knees with the need to kiss the ground he walks on? I can't imagine that there is a use for such a man but to do things to him that are too horrible for me to say to a lady, but it would start with a prison cell and get worse from there. Gratitude for what? Not allowing you the dignity to stand in front of him and decide to kiss him with love in a moment of your choosing? If I say what I really think of him, You will most definitely hate me and they might throw me off this website for saying what I would do to such a "man". Not a man in my eyes. But I will live my life the way I believe is right and I will love the way my heart tells me to love. And it will not be by the order of anyone but my heart. JJ

jj, how could i hate or be pissed off by someone speaking their personal truth [?] to hell with those here who would take offence by blunt honesty as that is what i value most. i hope that you have not taken my comment as a snub or criticism, as that couldn't be more far from it...
... i'm simply wired this way. it is more like a need to breathe than anything else. it is not abuse but a mutual, consensual and painstakingly negotiated decision between adults :)
*
anaïs nin said it best, truly "i do not want to be the leader. i refuse to be the leader. i want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. i want a man lying over me, always over me. his will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. i don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually,
artistically; but as a woman, oh,
god, as a woman I want to be
dominated. i don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not
to cling, be all that i am capable
 of doing, but i am going to be
pursued, fucked, possessed by
the will of a male at his time, his
bidding."
... savaja, the oracle, has said it well too, in any relationship there is room or potential for abuse

vivre et laisser vivre, cher
xo

That is not a philosophy I subscribe to. In my poetry I always express my true feelings and philosophies. Often I over explain myself so as not to be misunderstood. Still, even with my long-windedness, people say I said something I did not. If it works for you, that is fine, but I would rather die a virgin than be with a woman who worshiped the ground I walk on. But let her walk next to me and hold my hand, then she will also hold my heart...

jj

Adore your title straight away, JJ..lovely ideal!
Fer me- it spanks my(@present) "roth-ira like" heart's account, & the 'union dues' of m'lfe ;)

"it will not be in a relation of my participation
to take you as my possession or kneel in subjugation"
~freely given, this submit is gorgeous then.

Can see a bold correlation frm ur comment on my 'body by bondage' poem now, & luv these peeks inside your stunning heart. You know I'm on same-pg w/u there darlin'. Linked only w/body & heart, soo much special there.

luv'd this much, stay so boldly sweet hunnies!
ever in-sigh these moments(m'ever-ack!)
~d/T

Ya know d/T, I am thinking your poem may have subconsciously influenced this one. Must have been rolling around in my head, as many of your poems so often do. I just went back and read it and found the parallels astonishing. It really made a deeper impression on me than I realized! jj

Oh noo..you r taking *all credit fer this beaut mister JJ! (as well u shud) smiles to ya.
Like-minded speaks itself clear is all I meant,  
eye to eye in olde skoo' morale, we are :)
 
 Still enjoyin' this one & the great opinions  
of others are still in my high respects as well.
You've hit on a good topic.
 I, as soft female, still burn for domination
but in love it feels as so much more.
 (spankins-yes..whip-not so much)
 
*Do agree w/ our lovely katja up there with  
giving all to please my man, hits my e-zone
big time when being told what a he wants/needs
most to burn hotly..
(diff strokes, diff folks) is all-good in my  
book when the heart& body of a person is happy.
luvz man!
~d

 "Testify in Silence"

He said he would ease you in at the beginning

Ease you in to what? More pain and suffering?

Trained with pain to remain obedient and silent

To hold inside the screams of your crying heart

No one needs training to fall in reciprocated love

Conditioning is how you'll forever be controlled

Promised Safe words will always be unspoken
    
Through a plastic ball strapped inside your mouth

Hand signals cannot be seen or sent

With both hands tightly bound behind your bleeding back

There is nothing safe about consensual abuse
    
Just ask any surviving battered subservient wife

Who refused to testify against her Dominating man

How it was not her time or place to take a stand

Now the gag-order stays tied 'til death do you part

You've left behind the right to speak your broken mind

No freedom can be won from imaginary shackles

Or the chains that dangle you from the basement ceiling

Convincing you that down is the only place to go

You'll always be unable to say the safe word "no"

or remember how to utter any other word

After all the beatings he said that you deserved

His goal is control of every thought you think

No matter how deep the mental wounds may sink

or how bravely you pretend enslavement doesn't hurt

All that he will let you be is his silent pile of dirt

I really love this poem and I am in total agreement - this is how relationships should be :-)

brilliant write and an easy add :-)

Thank you for your support David! And if I am elected President, I will nominate you for the Supreme Court of Deep Underground Poetry.com
Lol