deepundergroundpoetry.com
adagio de motel
stormy nights. they follow me around like cheap
pulp fiction clichés. this particular one found me &
my exotic, dark-haired passenger in a rental car on
a dismal, lonely highway.
I’d met her at a small-town bus station, after watching
her on the ride from Storyville. the next bus would be
tomorrow, late, so I offered to rent a car & drive us to
the big city. she grabbed my invite quick, like she was
being pursued by unscrupulous characters; dames like
her usually are.
the rain was thick as a muddy river, visibility was nil, so
we pulled off the road at a motel & booked two rooms.
I entered her room on the pretense of giving it the once
over, purely for reasons of safety, of course.
she stood at the dresser removing her jewelry & shaking
her wet hair. I stared, the way Adam musta sloe-eyed Eve
when she showed up outa nowhere.
as I rudely approached her, she turned & slapped me,
slapped me hard, her eyes blazing like solar flares. ‘you
look at me like I’m a tramp, I don’t like it!’
‘I’ve been with a few tramps,’ I said. ‘but I’ve never been with
a genuine woman. not till now.’ her eyes softened & she let
down her guard, so I made my play, clawing at her dress. she
pushed me off, ‘wait. I don’t want my clothes ripped.’ she
peeled off the dress & her frilly underthings smoothly, like the
sarong on a Tahitian goddess.
her naked beauty was briefly intimidating. I touched her side deftly;
she was fine art that must not be damaged. my left arm circled her
waist, my free hand caressed her gently swaying tropical island, as
I nibbled & lightly bit the cherry top. she held my head & put her
mouth solid on mine. it was quick, sudden like gunfire, & our
tongues surrounded & surrendered to each other.
in a comedy of sexual frenzy, we tore the covers off the bed while
maintaining the lip lock. in moments, every dream girl I never got to
second base with was right there, in her, as her thunderclap hips
gyrated under mine.
I musta done good, because minutes later she was screaming &
convulsing with the female version of a shotgun blast. my own
indiscreet cannonade followed close behind. sure, it was the
heaven I never figured on.
in the morning, she was up early & dressed, while I was still
groggy in the sheets. ‘I ride solo from here,’ she said, then she
pitched the table lamp at my skull like Babe Ruth, & the black
curtain of goodbye descended on my larcenous love-story…
when I came to, she & the rented Studebaker were gone. we
sat there confronting each other, my battered reflection & I.
that was me, a one night jimmy, crushed by the vampish hand
that slapped me once.
you could write the saddest poem ever across my heart…
Published 6th Jun 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 17
reading list entries 6
comments 16
reads 1549
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The author encourages honest critique.
6th Jun 2015 7:44pm
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
6th Jun 2015 8:14pm
<< post removed >>
6th Jun 2015 9:00pm
Anonymous
6th Jun 2015 9:17pm
not bad..could have written it as a fictional shorty story as well..love the throwback use of dames and the like, giving it that Sin City movies feel..
Anonymous
6th Jun 2015 9:19pm
and honey, whatta ya do for money?..lol
Anonymous
6th Jun 2015 9:49pm
"in a comedy of sexual frenzy, we tore the covers off the bed while
maintaining the lip lock. in moments, every dream girl I never got to
second base with was right there, in her, as her thunderclap hips
gyrated under mine."
It was the 2nd base that did me in. How nostalgic. . .Enjoyed. . .xoxo, Devlin;)
maintaining the lip lock. in moments, every dream girl I never got to
second base with was right there, in her, as her thunderclap hips
gyrated under mine."
It was the 2nd base that did me in. How nostalgic. . .Enjoyed. . .xoxo, Devlin;)
6th Jun 2015 10:45pm
Oh my gosh, just let me scream already.. for I was melded to these words & felt that heart break inside of you. Geesh.. now that's horrible honey..
6th Jun 2015 11:43pm
"purely for reasons of safety, of course."
~Great warm masculine secret-smiles form from my memory at read of this. I know that one.
You swept directly into the setting, smooth story and even *smoother lines to the female. Enjoyed your "well-played the player" ending!
~d
~Great warm masculine secret-smiles form from my memory at read of this. I know that one.
You swept directly into the setting, smooth story and even *smoother lines to the female. Enjoyed your "well-played the player" ending!
~d
6th Jun 2015 11:56pm
JohnFeddeler, luv ~ :-*
Hmmm...
I simply cannot ascertain whether you're crushed because she left or because she left first.
I have suspicions regarding whether you quite know either... :-*
Regardless, you write once again with a spine-tinglingly deft assuredness that makes one wish to tango with you a bit...mayhap more than that. ;-*
Hmmm...
I simply cannot ascertain whether you're crushed because she left or because she left first.
I have suspicions regarding whether you quite know either... :-*
Regardless, you write once again with a spine-tinglingly deft assuredness that makes one wish to tango with you a bit...mayhap more than that. ;-*
7th Jun 2015 4:35am
you could write the saddest poem ever across my heart…
“It was a cool day and very clear. You could see a long way-but not as far as Velma had gone.”
Good write, John.
“It was a cool day and very clear. You could see a long way-but not as far as Velma had gone.”
Good write, John.
7th Jun 2015 8:37am
She carries the bite of the serpent in her eyes...
just love it, John. Your powerful ink always gives me a poetic rush... xx blue angel
just love it, John. Your powerful ink always gives me a poetic rush... xx blue angel
Anonymous
7th Jun 2015 1:12pm
"in a comedy of sexual frenzy, we tore the covers off the bed while
maintaining the lip lock. in moments, every dream girl I never got to second base with was right there, in her, as her thunderclap hips gyrated under mine."
ohh lord, Mister Feddeler, i'm running out of things to say when i comment on your words...
... exquisite nostalgia
maintaining the lip lock. in moments, every dream girl I never got to second base with was right there, in her, as her thunderclap hips gyrated under mine."
ohh lord, Mister Feddeler, i'm running out of things to say when i comment on your words...
... exquisite nostalgia
7th Jun 2015 3:46pm
you did good. Except you made one mistake. You slept with both eyes closed.
8th Jun 2015 00:30am
8th Jun 2015 7:58pm
Across your heart but don't hope to die. Your sense of humor packs a punch. Or slap, as the case may be.
Only a beautiful woman could be so harsh.
Great read,John.
And that last line left me breathless....
Great read,John.
And that last line left me breathless....
