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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Stillness
She'd kneel just like a statue - still as stone
Abandoned in a garden, half in shade;
She will not move; although he makes her moan
As quietly as soft words that degrade
Her conscientious efforts to ensure
That she is worth the candle; and the wax
He drips upon her cool flesh is a cure
For boredom, as he draws her up and slaps
Her face, her breasts, her belly and her mound;
And remarks, as she shudders at his fun,
That she is just a whore for him to pound
Over and over until she's begun
To take some pleasure from his whispered tone;
And loves the stillness once he's hard as stone.
Abandoned in a garden, half in shade;
She will not move; although he makes her moan
As quietly as soft words that degrade
Her conscientious efforts to ensure
That she is worth the candle; and the wax
He drips upon her cool flesh is a cure
For boredom, as he draws her up and slaps
Her face, her breasts, her belly and her mound;
And remarks, as she shudders at his fun,
That she is just a whore for him to pound
Over and over until she's begun
To take some pleasure from his whispered tone;
And loves the stillness once he's hard as stone.
Published 2nd Jun 2015
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2nd Jun 2015 11:24am
You don't need the commas in the last line. This is a powerful poem thought not exactly an erotic one, in my opinion. It's a little too disturbing for my tastes but there are no rules that say poetry can't be disturbing. I think you made the point you were trying to make and you did it with immense energy and casual grace. Interesting read...
2nd Jun 2015 11:17pm
You are quite right on the commas - they have been excised.
The lady this was written for found it extremely erotic - "My emotions fill with exhilaration, a desire to be lost in the pleasure he offers, a desire to please through my degradation and a shuddering fear of the burning candle, the hot wax that would roast like a slap..." - but I do recognise that tastes will vary.
The lady this was written for found it extremely erotic - "My emotions fill with exhilaration, a desire to be lost in the pleasure he offers, a desire to please through my degradation and a shuddering fear of the burning candle, the hot wax that would roast like a slap..." - but I do recognise that tastes will vary.
