deepundergroundpoetry.com
Burning vengeance
I am anger,
I'm vengeance, I'm pain.
I'm death incarnate,
and you will remember
my name.
Those who wronged me
will regret their mistake.
Soon bloody vengeance
on them I will take.
I'll unleash the horror,
the agony, death and pain.
And when I'm finished,
none of my enemies will remain.
I'll spill all of their blood.
It will rain down, run red
like a crimson flood.
I'm gonna hack them, slash them,
slice and cut.
Blood in streams flowing red and hot.
Shoot them to death in a storm of lead
No stopping until everyone's dead...
Then I'll chop of their heads with an axe
Only when they're gone can I relaxe.
As a final touch I'll set them on fire
and turn the house into a funeral pyre.
I'm vengeance, I'm pain.
I'm death incarnate,
and you will remember
my name.
Those who wronged me
will regret their mistake.
Soon bloody vengeance
on them I will take.
I'll unleash the horror,
the agony, death and pain.
And when I'm finished,
none of my enemies will remain.
I'll spill all of their blood.
It will rain down, run red
like a crimson flood.
I'm gonna hack them, slash them,
slice and cut.
Blood in streams flowing red and hot.
Shoot them to death in a storm of lead
No stopping until everyone's dead...
Then I'll chop of their heads with an axe
Only when they're gone can I relaxe.
As a final touch I'll set them on fire
and turn the house into a funeral pyre.
Published 27th May 2015
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comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th May 2015 3:37pm
I like this one. I feel in the beginning it personifies the emotions of anger, which often makes for a good poem.
It is descriptive in terms of what you would do to 'them', which I like (being the psycho that I am).
The rhyming is slightly mixed up and slightly distanced in certain points, which I also liked, though I'm unsure why. It is mainly in terms of preference for this poem, you either like it or dislike it depending on your perspective.
Given the way the narrator speaks in the poem, it is not exactly 'formal', so to speak. However, since each line was short it makes up for it. Informal - like and short lines make for good combinations.
Finally, I like how each line quickly leads up to the next descriptive piece. It doesn't go off track from what I can see, which keeps the reader interested. I tend to have a short attention span at times, so I think it's safe to say you did quite a good job with this piece.
As for things to improve the poem, perhaps a bit more vivid vocabulary? It doesn't have to be this exceedingly fancy thing that people have to google just to understand, just something slightly more…. Fancy I guess is the only way to put it. Given how descriptive you are in this poem, some descriptive fancy vocabulary might be good. Then again, one must keep the lines short, so, easier said than done. I'm no expert on how to do this exactly, as I tend to prolong my poems due to my style of writing.
Anyway, keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
TyrantSlayer
It is descriptive in terms of what you would do to 'them', which I like (being the psycho that I am).
The rhyming is slightly mixed up and slightly distanced in certain points, which I also liked, though I'm unsure why. It is mainly in terms of preference for this poem, you either like it or dislike it depending on your perspective.
Given the way the narrator speaks in the poem, it is not exactly 'formal', so to speak. However, since each line was short it makes up for it. Informal - like and short lines make for good combinations.
Finally, I like how each line quickly leads up to the next descriptive piece. It doesn't go off track from what I can see, which keeps the reader interested. I tend to have a short attention span at times, so I think it's safe to say you did quite a good job with this piece.
As for things to improve the poem, perhaps a bit more vivid vocabulary? It doesn't have to be this exceedingly fancy thing that people have to google just to understand, just something slightly more…. Fancy I guess is the only way to put it. Given how descriptive you are in this poem, some descriptive fancy vocabulary might be good. Then again, one must keep the lines short, so, easier said than done. I'm no expert on how to do this exactly, as I tend to prolong my poems due to my style of writing.
Anyway, keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
TyrantSlayer
Thanks! That was an extensive analysis. I am too tired now to comment much on it but I tend to agree with it. The lack of anything fancy was partially intentional, since I wanted to keep it quite simple and primal. I don't think it's very good myself but perhaps passable. If you read other stuff I've written you'll see more vivid vocabulary and perhaps some fancy wording.
28th May 2015 7:50am
You've given me chills.. very deep wow. I like that much, how it probes the sensories.
29th May 2015 3:11am
Anonymous
29th May 2015 8:50am
Had me thinking of the "firestarter" video from the Prodigy...
29th May 2015 9:19pm
