deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lao Tzu’s Sea
Like a wordless song,
ten thousand things
will rise and fall
but a whisper
turns a memory
rolling out to Lao Tzu’s sea.
I am but an atom,
thermodynamics, and love,
stirring the water
in crest and trough
dreaming destiny's dream.
ten thousand things
will rise and fall
but a whisper
turns a memory
rolling out to Lao Tzu’s sea.
I am but an atom,
thermodynamics, and love,
stirring the water
in crest and trough
dreaming destiny's dream.
Published 5th May 2015
| Edited 7th May 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
5th May 2015 10:59pm
I'd like to set sail in a trough...there's a nonsense
rhyme there, on the crest of my tongue..:)
sorry for digressing..!
rhyme there, on the crest of my tongue..:)
sorry for digressing..!
5th May 2015 11:06pm
I was changing the poem, I'm bad like that today. Hope you like it. Thank you for your awesome comment! :)
6th May 2015 5:34am
7th May 2015 3:42pm
The mother of all things wholly. Nature and our relationship. In nature there is cause and effect everywhere throughout the woven seams. ten or ten thousand... all one thing.
That second "fall" in the fourth line/first stanza (repetative pet peeve of mine). I would suggest "breaks" to add some alliteration to brushes; however, I'm uncertain the whisper was struggling. "[F]alls" seems to imply a listlessness, such as a leaf letting go in Autumn (or Fall, if you prefer :) ).
7th May 2015 2:44pm
Thank you so much for your critique. :) I love working nature's puzzle in natural tone and resonace.
8th May 2015 5:08pm
6th May 2015 9:29pm
7th May 2015 2:44pm
19th May 2015 3:49pm
This is very sweet. I am trying to place it in the Tao Te Ching. But it seems something very different is happening. More like getting in his head to see the world in his view or philosophy.
19th May 2015 10:08pm
The ten thousand things is sort of the theme, its scattered throughout the text. I love science and the nature of Taoism. Its reminding of everything. Thank you so much. :)
