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[2015] Too Drunk To Finish Writing This

 
Welcome to Alcoholic Synonymous!  
 
You'll always be in good company  
when you are one of us  

We don't discriminate  
based on any method  
you use to self medicate  

Just remember to adhere to our
Three Step Program  
  
Step One  
Is ignoring that you're sick  

Step Two  
Makes no difference whatsoever  
the poison that you pick  
 
Step Three  
Repeat Steps One and Two  
as often as you like  
Whatever does the trick  
It's entirely up to you  
 
If there's a will, there's a way  
to make your worries go away  
My excuse for living  
is to drink another day  
I got ninety-nine problems  
but you ain't a single one  
ever since I discovered  
my life without you  
Was a helluva lot more fun  
 
Out of sight, out of mind  
out of focus, out of frame  
Saturday night you'll find me here  
playing a drinking game  
The goal is not about putting the   
lightweights around me to shame  

I drink, therefore, I am  
determined to forget her name  
 
Ninety-nine bottles
of beer on the wall  
Cell phone turned off  
---not taking anyone's call  
Tired of the endless drama;  
chronic need to blame me  
for everything in her life  
going all kinds of wrong  
 
I've already worn out the soles of my shoes  
dancing to that overplayed jukebox song  
 
What does it take  
to be a blatant hypocrite?  

One part twit  
Two parts unevolved idiot  
Never shaken, stirring up shit  
Pathological liar that can never quit  
whenever she's behind  

Well, drinks are on me  
this time around  
and I think that I'll be kind
  
Mister, would you please  
pour a round for the little lying bitch  
at the end of the bar?  
 
Pure entertainment, hearing  
her accusations from afar  
What she's incapable of proving  
yet gets herself caught doing  
It's the lifelong lesson  
She's hasn't learned thus far  
I don't foresee her
learning it anytime soon  

Even now, ankle deep
bullshit fills the room  
 
There's not much more to tell  
that through her incriminations  
she doesn't already confess  
If anything, everything can be attributed
to leaks in the plumbing of her subconscious
  
I'd suggest you hike up your fancy dress  
'cause the hem of your latest Fruedian slip  
Is bound to become a dirty mess  
But this would only encourage  
having my name further dragged
through the mud  
so why even bother?  
 
I'll just take comfort in the old saying  
Inherited from my father,  
You're a broad with a paper asshole  
 
So, cheers to you  
I raise my glass  
Half empty as it is  
It's half full  

Here's to the lies  
coming back to bite you in the ass  
If there's anything I'm willing
to drink to n drown myself in  
that would certainly be it  
 
I got ninety-nine problems  
but you ain't a single one  
Alcoholic Synonymous helped me realize  
my life without you was just beginning  

I got ninety-nine problems  
but you ain't a single one  
Alcoholic Synonymous helped me realize  
my life without you was far from done  
and it's a game I'm winning  
 
Out of sight, out of mind  
Out of focus, out of frame  
I drink, therefore I am determined
to forget Whats-her-fucking-name


Written by JohnnyBlaze
Published | Edited 11th Aug 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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