The Raising of Lazarus (True version)

 
Hey Lazarus you lazy bugger
Get to the shops we’re out of sugar
Tea without don’t taste too nice
And we’re expecting a guest called Jesus Christ
 
Hey Lazarus, come on, shake the lead
You’re lying there as though you’re dead
He’ll be here very soon
We ain’t got all afternoon
 
Lazarus’s mother is getting mad
With her idle, useless, lazy lad
Jesus arrives: ‘what’s this I see?
Ain't no sugar for my tea?'
 
I’ll soon fix this lazy sod
My staff's an electric cattle prod
Zaps young Lazarus in the balls
And after he’s bounced off all four walls
 
Jesus says Lazarus run non-stop
And bring some sugar from the shop
Make sure you get back double quick
Or next I’ll zap you in the dick
 
Lazarus sprints fully motivated
‘It’s a miracle’ cries his mum, elated
Never seen the bastard move so quick
Any chance you’ll let me buy that stick?