[ nonsense ] The Preacher's Confession

          
You come to me asking for the Lord's blessing              
to be cleansed of sins you're now confessing              
I confess to being less mystified and more truly stumped              
             
I thought I was here to help guide you along              
preach the Word of God and sing His mighty song              
not listen about the neighbor's wife that you humped              
             
Why don't you just keep those details quiet              
I'm breaking out in laughter to the point of riot              
Why is it so difficult to grasp His beautiful Way?              
             
You are forgiven if you're a likewise forgiving soul              
With free will comes a price that takes its toll              
Meanwhile, you're free to screw with whomever you lay              
             
Don't give me that familiar old song and dance              
about how the Devil won't let you keep it in your pants              
or that he is busy luring everyone into strange beds              
             
If you're too weak to resist the Whores of Babylon              
you really haven't been listening to me babble on              
about how yawl fabricate these excuses in your heads              
             
Why, if I had a dollar for everytime I myself gave in              
Well ... I'd be wealthier than the Vatican!              
And should spontaneously combust in hellfire              
             
At the risk of repeating myself once again              
especially regarding affairs with women ( or men )             
you're only tempted by that which you already desire              
             
If you want to do right by the Almighty              
you should brush up on your Aphrodite---              
from Greece we inherited great tales of forbidden love              
             
I don't think any of those stories ever ended happily              
In that era when eternal damnation was common, see              
Jealous lovers were a force to be more afraid of              
             
Now, if you would please excuse me for a while              
I have more pressing matters to reconcile              
The choir awaits for me to direct them in song              
             
And if you know of any other ladies who want to sing              
Mrs. Anderson will be in the back room auditioning . . .           
              
My God, I think today she's wearing a thong